Sex At 3am Isn't Good Unless It's Me Doing It

So last night I was excited that I would finally get a good nights sleep.

But I was wrong.

Just as I fell asleep, I hear *thump thump*. I wake up. I pick up my snow boots and throw them at the ceiling. The thumping stops.. for about 15 seconds, then starts again. HARDER.

Ok, person above me.. your girlfriend's head rhythmically hitting the wall woke me up.

I went out to the lounge and hung out with Chris and a cooler. We watched sports highlights and the comedy network until 5.15am when the thumping stopped. At about 4 I went upstairs into the hallway where the sexers were and knocked on the door. The moaning was so loud, I'm surprised everyone on the floor wasn't awake. They stop and I hear ''shit, what was that?" so I booked it back to my floor.

Oi.

Other than that, we decorated the lounge today. People bought decorations so now we have hands coming out of the elevator, chalk body outlines, cobwebs, bloody hand prints, caution tape, and balloons everywhere. It looks AWESOME. We even have a creepy sounds soundtrack that goes for an hour straight.

I'm planning on getting rowdy. Emma Hoskins rowdy, not average person rowdy. I'm allowed to let loose, but I won't throw up this time. It's another floor crawl, but I'm sticking to my own liquor.

Gagsalot is teasing her hair to test out what it'll look like tomorrow, and I'm really excited. I think it's going to look fabulous. She looks like a wind blown model, while I'm going to look like spider trash.

Nice.

Happy Halloween everyone!

PS Natewoo is coming in exactly a week. I can't wait.

Read more...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I don't think anyone can honestly say they hate being in love.

I miss that feeling of being completely intoxicated by someone... in a good way.
Not in a ''I'm a stalker and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HAVE A SHRINE!" kind of way.

I was with him for nearly 2 years. I know I'm young, but I truly loved him. To be totally honest - I'm a selfish person. Yeah, I care about the people in my life and am fiercely loyal, but I know that over all I must come first. It takes a lot to get into my thoughts and even more to get into my heart. The people in my life understand that they're lucky to be there, because not a lot of people are in the same position. This isn't bragging, it's being honest. I'm picky, and I don't trust people easily at all. You're really special and amazing if you're in my life and I let those people know all the time.

So I know that I loved him. I would have done anything for him. Anything. I was so stupid to think that my fairy tale ending really would happen. It seemed like it was so close.

After a year of not talking, he told me he thought about me every day and still cared about me. That he knew one day we'd be together.

While lying on his chest in a park during a rain storm (possibly the cheesiest place ever, but it was magic) I asked him where he think we'd have been at that moment if we hadn't parted ways the year before.

''We'd be living together.''

And you know what? We would be.

we should be








I can't lie,

I'm still as in love with him as I was the first time I saw him.

(I miss you every day, and it doesn't look like that will ever change)

Read more...

I Am Cryin', Over You. I Am Smilin', I Think Of You.

Waking up pressed against you was a religious experience. The way your skin smelled and tasted after sleep sent tingles straight into my lungs that nearly suffocated me in the most pleasant fog of consciousness. I dream of your fingers running through my hair and your lips grazing the base of my neck.

You changed because I made you realize you couldn't love the way you were. But you changed too late.

How did you forget what we were like? How did you forget that I believed in you?

I cry for you all the time, but I cry because of you more. You take my breath away.

Oh god, the way your skin smelled...

If you aint here I just can't breathe. There's no air, no air.

Read more...

N1H1 is for Losers

Doctor: "Miss, you have swine flu"
Me: "*fuck* Thanks."

Swine flu isn't funny. Before I joked about it. "Ahh, you'll get swine flu! Haha!", but now that I've experienced the virus it ain't funny. At all. God it was hell. So that's why I haven't updated. I've been dying!

This weekend my floor had a bbq. It was really fun, actually. A bunch of people made 40+ burgers and hot dogs (remember, I have 40 people on my floor) and some people made salad and perogies. Other people bought chips and pop. Then we watched Shoot Em Up and hung out for a few hours. It was really relaxed and I brought my Pier 1 Import into the lounge. Lots of the guys tried it out and agreed that it is magic on your behind.

Tehehe.. boy that I'm practically in love with moved from across the room to sit next to me. I'm happy deluding myself that he moved because of me, so don't pop my bubble. He sat in my chair and when I sat back in it it smelled DELICIOUS. I sunk into it a little deeper. God that boy smells amazing. I was sipping on my coolers I bought and slowly sitting on his lap and ravishing him was becoming a smarter plan. Luckily I held off.

Then a few of us watched the 1989 VHS of the New Kids on the Block first album tour video. It was amazing. We're going to learn the dance to ''New Stuff'' or whatever it's called. The Right Stuff? Something Stuff. It was the funniest thing I've seen in ages. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.

I bought a whole bunch of stuff for my halloween costume! I'm being a black widow spider - I eat men for breakfast. Even if you try and copy my idea, your costume won't be as awesome as mine. I have it ALL planned out.

We're doing a floor crawl for halloween.. I'm a little scared. I think I'll just stick to my own alcohol. And then I'll take advantage of the boy. Tehehe.. that would be wrong. But so, so, so right! For me.

I'm rearranging my room. Last night from 12-2am I moved all the furniture around. This is a lot tougher than it sounds. I've been sick and barely eating for 5 days so I was weak, and the furniture is at least 250. AT LEAST. But still, I did it. Photos when it's clean and finished.

Sorry I'm not funny guys, swine flu took it all away right now.

Stay safe, and wash your hands you dirty fuckers. If anyone re infects me.. you'll be dead by morning.

Read more...

Let's Clear The Air

Because really, I don't want to be fighting with one of my closest friends over you. We have no other fights except for over this stupid drama. So I'm going to clear the air, and put it all out there because apparently you're reading this.

You hurt me. Devastated me. Made me feel (almost) the worst I've ever felt. I used to tell you EVERYTHING. I never left anything out. I was having a really fucking hard time. I was fighting a battle against drug addiction and alcoholism that was much larger than anyone had ever guessed. I'm fine now, but at the time I wasn't. And you know what? I can admit that I was an alcoholic and did a lot of drugs because I had the personal strength to change and break the habits that I'd been living with, and I'm REALLY fucking proud of that. It might be the most important thing I've done in my entire life.

But while I was fighting that, you sometimes made me feel bad about it. I'd say I didn't want to drink, that I couldn't handle being around alcohol.. but there would be a party on and you didn't want to go alone. Sure, sometimes I wanted to go. The times I'm thinking about were when I didn't want to go, and I went along anyway. For you. Because I LOVED YOU. I cared about you like I'd cared about no one before, I didn't even care about Paul that much . Yet you'd get shit faced. You'd wreak of alcohol. Do you know what this did to me? I'd come home early from parties and I'd cry into my mom's lap because you wouldn't be sober for me. Not one of my friends understands what it's like to battle addiction and I get that. But I talked to you about it. You were there when I fessed up to it for fuck's sake! Your hugs and support meant more than anyone's.

You could have juggled having a best friend and a boyfriend. Yeah, we had that really shitty fight in November and I feel bad about it. We sorted through it though and I thought that meant things would change. But they didnt. They got worse. You fucking sucked on his fingers while I was practically throwing up while lying on his lap. What. The. Fuck. It's RUDE. It's DISRESPECTFUL. Sure, he's your boyfriend. That doesn't mean you can be obscene in public. This isn't just me feeling this way, by the way. I'm not going to make you question who your friends are, but don't ignore these words. Sure, it's the 21st century but that doesn't mean what you were doing is appropriate.

I felt really hurt and thrown aside. You'd come over and text under the dinner table (which really insulted my mum, by the way. She noticed. That hurt me too.) or you'd be on msn the whole time. Yeah, we had times where we'd both been on our computers. That's fine, I really enjoyed just relaxing like that. I'm talking about the times I just wanted to hang out with YOU, not your long distance boyfriend.

You jumped into that relationship really quickly and I get it. You love him. That's great.. but why couldn't you love me too? You may say you did, but I think you know deep down that I'm not being crazy.

It wasn't all bad. We had amazing times. Sometimes I still go through old photos because I miss them. But we've changed. I have the urge to call you up and cry to you about what goes on, because sometimes I still need you. I still need that connection we had. I loved you like a sister and soul mate. I think we could have been best friends for life. I wanted you to be in my wedding party, I wanted you at my 80th birthday party, I wanted you to send me letters at university. Our friendship wasn't fake. I need to apologize for communicating with you in September. I was homesick and wanted to reconnect, but now I see that that was a mistake. It's not meant to be, because to be honest.. I feel like I've changed more than you have. After I helped you that night you were super fucked up, you didn't say thank you. I had to tell someone to tell you to thank everyone else and apologize because they thought you were being rude. Instead you sent me a nasty email and got your boyfriend (who had nothing to do with this event) to send me another nasty email 2 MINUTES later.

Great, you made me cry a whole lot.. Hopefully it made you feel better, because now it empowers me. I still have those emails. When I feel my fingers itching to dial your phone number, I remember those emails and read them. You hurt me, and I'm scared you'd do it again. I think you'd do it again.

It's still awkward when I see you, but I try and act normal. Sometimes I wish I could run over and hug you, and sometimes I wish I could just leave so I wouldn't have to be near you. It's hard for me, it feels like my feelings flip flop every few seconds.

Even just writing this makes me want to call you. But I can't. I've had too many talks with too many family members and friends to do that. I'm growing up. I'm living my life. It sucks that I had to move away to do it, but it's good for me. I'm making new friends and I won't run into you accidentally. It sucks that it has to be this way, but it does.

Yeah, I'm slowly moving on. It takes time. You broke my heart. I broke yours. But I did it for ME, and I'm the most important person in my life. You said super nasty things to me when you were drunk and I won't ever forget them. Best friends don't tell best friends that kind of stuff. You mocked me, degraded me, made me feel like shit. And told me I talked too much about myself, but then you wouldn't open up when I asked you. No one else has ever done this.

So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. This is different than saying "I'm sorry you feel like you're feelings are hurt'' which is what you do. That's not apologizing. That's not taking on the blame. And yeah, you do do it. Whether or not you realize it. It just hurts people's feelings more.

Yeah, I still hear about you. People talk. My friends tell me what's going on.
So I need to ask you, politely, after this post to stop reading my blog. This blog contains private details of my life for my friends. I can't make it private, because not everyone has a blogger account. I blocked you on facebook so that we wouldn't look at each other's accounts, etc, so I don't know how you found this link. It doesn't really matter, but it's making me uncomfortable. This is for my friends, and unfortunately we're not friends anymore. I don't look at your flickr or anything. I don't look at your photos. I'm asking for the same respect. It's sad, but goodbye. You can't move on either until you stop following my life. I understand that you're interested. It's natural. We were everything to eachother.
But that is over. For good.

I need to apologize to PM (you know who you are) for freaking out at you. This is a touchy subject and sometimes we butt heads. I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you, just the situation.

Update: PM and I are fine, as always. We're good at saying sorry to each other.

I know this post is harsh, I wrote it when I was angry, but I mean everything I said. I've had a good cry and a really good yell. I feel a lot better. But like.. we texted a little, things were getting a bit better, then I say happy birthday and you say nothing. Mixed messages.
Everytime I want to call or something, I look at the scar on my wrist and it reminds me of how much you hurt me. I won't let that happen again. If I wanted to get back with Paul, everyone would say no. This is the same. I'm sorry for everything I did wrong...

and now my conscience is clear.

Read more...

Can Anybody Find Me Somebody To Love?

Holy moly, sorry guys. It's been 10/ten/diez/dix days since I last updated. I know, I'm a horrible person and you all hate me just a tiny bit. Forgive me! I've been busy.

Lots of things to talk about.

Thingamajig One* Thanksgiving! After counting down the days for 6 weeks, I flew back to Vancouver for the long weekend. While waking up at 4am would be disgusting to some people, it was fine for me. I haven't been sleeping well at all so I fell asleep at 1.30 am and woke up at 3.30. I was way too stoked to sleep. I got on the shuttle to the airport, plugged in Comet's iPod (you're a doll and I love you) and played me a little Brandon Heath and Sarah Brightman. I was excited to get away from the snow and see the beautiful West Coast mountains.

I got into the airport and my little sister, Midget, pretended she had no idea who I was. I'm sure lots of people nearby thought I was trying to kidnap her. My mum didn't cry, and more surprisingly I didn't cry either. Letting you all in on a little secret: I cry like a little baby anytime something emotional happens. Movies, sad commercials, good lyrics in a song, you name it. Sometimes I'll lie and say I have to go to the bathroom so I can have a quick cry. Sad ain't it?

That night I went to see my older sister, Peach, in her NEW HOME! She'd already been there for 6 weeks, but to me it was like move in day. The place looks amazing. They've done a great job decorating and there is so much space. Holy jeebus. She's a Mary Kay consultant now, making some extra cash (drug dealer didn't work out...just kidding!) so if you want any great make up, let me know kiddies. Seriously, she had this hand wash stuff that was so delicious I jizzed in my pants a little. Not gonna lie. I couldn't stop smelling my hands - I was like a crazed fan who had just gotten to touch their favourite celebrity. I fell asleep with my face ON MY HAND.

After that, I went over to H2's house to surprise people that I was back home. Bunny, Meow Meow, Natewoo, Lizzypoo and PM were there. Unfortunately, Farrellkins was so wasted she had to go home early. Boo! And Black Magic was hooking up with the bf while ''sleeping at my house''. WOO! Glad I could help someone get some action. In the end it was a fun night. No drinking on my part, other than chugging milk with PM. Great times.

The next few days were spent with people coming in and out of the house. Saw everyone I wanted to (except my camp buddy! live closer, you fool!), and that really helped me feel better. Coming back was hard, though. 2 months until I'm back for 2 and a half weeks guys! Vancouver is safe until then... but when I come back, I ASSURE YOU there will be some crazy chaos. We're celebrating my birthday when I get back! 19 everyone - I'll see you there. Or maybe I won't if you're a loser. If you're not invited..you know where you stand.

Thingamajig Two* Glee. Please chill for a second and stop judging. Now, when I first heard about Glee I was like ''holy crap, drama kids watch this? I'll stay away." I'm a drama kid, but I'm not into the musical thing... BUT THIS SHOW IS AMAZING. A-M-A-ZING. I've watched all 7 episodes today and I can't wait for wednesday (that's when the next episode comes out). Please guys, watch this show. I promise it will blow your socks off. Fin is so cute.. so, so, so cute. Not to mention Will. Can he please take his shirt off again?! Just once. I was really sceptical, but the script is hilarious, the music is great, and the plot line is new and exciting. You have no idea what's going to happen next and I'm saying that truthfully. If you don't watch it, you're missing out. The woman who plays Emma, Jayma, is so funny. She's perfect and I adore her.

<3

Thingamajig Three* Relationships. Congrats to Black Magic on possiblity the cutest bf any of us have ever had! RIP Shoes and Draham (Draham, shape up! put on your Nike panties and just do it!), Natewoo and Shorty (no matter what you say, you didn't see it coming, but nice try), and soon to be RInotsomuchP Oxymoron and Air Pumps (song lyrics are coming into my head.. ''look who's alone now, it's not me... it's not me." thank you James Blunt). Karma's a bitch and I hope everything you lost was worth it.

On a brighter note, Comet has a scruffy hotty and Gagsalot has her eye on Stoner! Soccer Boy is still in my heart but I'm not rushing anything. Drama/Choir boy (whatever you prefer to call him) has been making my heart flutter again. Damn him.

Why do I feel like a gossip columnist?

Thingamajig Four* Does anyone remember those fake nails I wore for my 18th birthday? Well, I've got them on now for fun and JEEZE LOUISE. Some people say pretty, I say protection. These babies come at least a centimeter off my nails and could claw out anyone's eyes in a single swoop. Laura Croft had guns and tighter abs than I'll ever have, but I have these puppies to help me along.

What else? Thingamajig Five* Note to self: Dont relax the BC way in your room. Do it outside.

Thingamajig Six* Did I mention Glee? Yeah? Well. Read again.

Thingamajig Seven* Comet you are the cutest! She says she checks my blog daily. I find this very flattering. Not to mention the super nice things TashSait (from Vancouver! I'll come up with a better nickname when it's not 1am) said the other day. You brightened my mood!

On a side note, guys,

http://kidshealth.org/teen/safety/safebasics/rape_what_to_do.html

Please learn to protect yourselves, and if you need anyone to talk to there are plenty of relief hotlines. Or even me. Even if you don't know me personally, send me a message and I'll listen.

This may seem random and out of the blue, but seriously guys. It can happen to ANYONE. Whether you're the quiet girl at a party or the outrageous confident one. Even guys.

Stay safe, you hear? No means no. It doesn't matter if you invited the guy into your room, if you knew him beforehand, or what you're wearing. No one asks to be raped or violated in anyway. Rape doesn't just mean forced intercourse.

683,000 forcibles rapes occur every year,
which equals 56,916 per month,
1,871 per day, 78 per hour,
and 1.3 per minute.

In the time it took you to read that, one more person was raped.

I've recently joined the Me to We Mobilizers group on my campus and it has really opened my eyes. Reading about the things that happen in our world may be horrifying and scary, but it's a neccessity. Reach out. If you're in the Edmonton area, check out this crazy awesome event:

http://www.facebook.com/events.php?ref=sb#/event.php?eid=176446754873&index=1

It's this Thursday. It will change your life. If you're not on Facebook, why are you hiding under a rock? (6.30pm to 9.30pm, Room 1-013 in ETLC at the University of Alberta).

..one last, very important thing.

F YOU MIDTERMS! I WILL CURB STOMP YOUR MOTHER!

Yup. I went there.

xx Peace easy everyone,

til next time.

Read more...

I Want To...

• Go home.
• Never see a film studies assignment ever again.
• Jump out my dorm window...

... but the screen's in the way.

Oh my god I have so much homework mybrainjustmightexplode. Why didn't I do this earlier? Oh, right, BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT.
I haven't been sleeping. I haven't slept during the night time in... 3 days.
Vampire?

I'm stressed. I'm listening to James Blunt, bursting into tears randomly, and facebook says I'm 63% in love, but I don't know who with anymore.

OhmygodIcan'tgetallthisdoneI'msoscrewedI'mgoingtofailoutofuniversityandbecomeahomelesspersonjustlikeI'dalwaysfeared.

Oh.. and I'M HOME IN 34 HOURS.

Read more...

We're Dropping Like Flies

8 days until I come home!

STDs, skanks, and illnesses float around university dorms like dust particles...

If one person on the floor is sick, everyone is going to get sick... it's only a matter of time.

I've been sick twice here so far. Once with tonsilitis and once with a cold. While viruses are a problem, another issue has popped up.

Food poisoning. Comet and quite a few other people I know have gotten really sick. Luckily they're all okay now, but it was terrible at the time. Everyone's cautious of The Marina food downstairs. I think it was the eggs and the fish.. they use the same utensils for everything, so we'll never know.


On another note, I have a rant.

Men.

Big, hairy, sweaty towers of strength and masculinity.

For example,
this guy.


I'm going to try and keep my mind out of the gutter while I write this.

This guy is confident. Sexy. Probably has women falling over their own feet to get to him.

For argument's sake, we'll say that this is the typical man.

(I wish...)

Now, most guys like to think they're this guy, and unfortunately us ladies find ourselves disappointed 99.9% of the time because in reality, most guys end up being little boys.

Crying, overly dramatic, immature little boys.


So, I met this guy. We'll call him Radio Guy. He's 23 and incredibly good looking. Not the usual type I'd go for, I prefer the scruffy ones, but even I can admit he's gorgeous. Incredibly fit with a beautiful smile.

At 23 I assumed he's more mature than the 19 year olds I'm used to.

But no.

If it's even possible, he's MORE immature. I didn't do something he wanted, so he HUNG UP THE PHONE ON ME.

He could not have chosen a more highschool girlesque move if he'd tried.

I used to hang up the phone on my mum when she irritated me... back in grade 10, when I was 14.

What is happening to the world?!

If you want the girl, be respectful. It doesn't turn me on when you joke about jacking off and wiping your ass (another story for another time). In fact, it makes me think you're crude and uneducated. Be polite. Show me you have manners and appreciate the fact that I have a brain. If you wanted a slut, I can point you downstairs to a girl on a different floor.


I'm tired of dating little boys.

I'm not your mother. Go cry to someone who gives a shit.

Read more...