You Build Me Up Just To Tear Me Down
You always tell me that I have these huge walls you can't get through. That as soon as you see a hint of vulnerability they're back up in full force. I've been told this by a lot of people. I seem so open, but I'm really not.
Tonight I took those walls down. Things haven't been easy for me lately. We put both of my dogs down in the last 2 weeks, they died 13 days apart. It was sudden and left my family feeling pretty empty. Losing weight is really hard, I've been working out but I can't do what a lot of other people can do. I cheated on my diet really badly this week. I'm behind in my school work and I'm not sleeping well.
I'm drowning.
I'm away at school and I feel like I have to be this super strong person. I can't call my mum and cry on the phone to her. She worries and right now she's so sad that I can barely talk to her on the phone. Everyone's just so... sad. So I keep it all in.
Bottling everything is hard.
And tonight, I needed you. I called you and you brushed me off. Your new girlfriend was with you. Once again, I find out over facebook. Exactly like last time. I don't understand how three days ago I meant ''everything'' to you and now I mean nothing. I told you I was upset on the phone and you said ''okay'' and hung up.
I finally tore my walls down for you and you didn't care.
So this is it. This is my last night crying alone over you. This is the last time I'll allow you in.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up not missing you. Every time I start to feel a pang in my heart I'm going to remember how I feel right now.
Alone.
And I won't miss you anymore. Because you could have been here with me. We could have taken a big step. You could have seen how hard it was for me to come to you, broken, and asking for your help. But that's too bad. You missed out.
And now you'll miss out on me.
