I Want To Kiss A Girl, Hold Her Tight, Maybe Make Some Magic Tonight

This week is always rough for me.

On one hand, it was my older sister's birthday on the 21st! Happy *24th* birthday ma sista!
(if you want to know her real age, I accept bribes in the form of cheques, presents, cash, and exceptional poetry)
I definitely wish I could have been back home on the west coast to celebrate with the family. Being away at school, I've missed out on celebrating both of my sisters' birthdays.
I'm so used to being there to join in on the fun, it's not easy hearing the stories on the other end of the phone. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but a bit of me does. My heart aches to be missing out on these memories.

On a sadder note, September 21st was also the third anniversary of Alex's death.
No details are needed here, just a "RIP, I'm still thinking of you''.

I didn't do anything really interesting this week unfortunately.
I saw a play at the Timm's Center for Performing Arts that involved male genitalia.
I was 'lucky' enough to be sitting front row center... right where the penis was pointed.
It was unimpressive, unfortunately. I mean, if I'm going to pay $24 (I bought a flex pass) and there's penis in a show, I want to see "PENIS! let me squirm in pleasure'' not ''oh god...penis AHHH traumatizing!!''. Let's just say the actor didn't get laid after his performance.

A song just came onto Comet's ipod. All I heard was ''i'm so horny....'' then I changed it.
That reminds me! Comet's love interest turned out to be a bit of a jerk :( . It's rumoured he told the guys on our floor that his goal for the year is to sleep with 30 girls.
Comet's strong and independent, she doesn't need him, and she's moving along nicely. She says she no longer has feelings for him. Whether or not that's true, I commend her for being so dignified. It takes a lot of strength to leave your feelings behind like that.

MMM! Strawberry poptart! I recommend them to anyone.

Yesterday, Blue Eyes (Comet's roommate), Comet, and I went out to Superstore and Dollarama. That place is amazing. EVERYTHING is a dollar. Things that usually cost $20! Amazing! All the stuff I bought should have added up to about $50, but came out to only $16. Now I have a cool Marilyn Monroe scarf hanging on my wall. Life complete.
We also bought some shot glasses and today I decorated mine with gems and paint. I made it look like a corset and wrote ''thou shalt not get drunk...'' on the other side.

I should have thought about that last night at the Floor Crawl.
Let me explain Floor Crawl.

Everyone gets into pairs and makes a drink. Comet, Gaga and I decided to make Purple Tornado Jello Shots. This includes far too much vodka, grape juice, grape jello, and water.

Makes about 50 shots...
2 pkg grape jello
4 cups boiling water
1/3 of a 40 of vodka (but this is up to you, ours were strong). recommend: 1 cup of vodka
1 cup grape juice

Boil your 4 cups of water and mix in jello packages. Let cool. Mix vodka and grape juice in.
For fast set: put ice cubes into shots, take out when mixture starts to harden.

We didn't have a lot of time, so we put them in the freezer for about 45 minutes and they turned out great.

Warning: these taste great, and you'll most likely have way too many of them...
...like I did.

The point of Floor Crawl is to get trashed. Out of your mind trashed. You end up trying all these different shots and mixing a lot of alcohol. Some people have gin, some people have vodka, some people have tequila. There were ''Fresh Pussy'' shots, B 52s, viper shots, etc.
I tried one of everything (minus the viper shots, I learned my lesson about those awhile ago...) and was feeling fine. My problem is that the alcohol hadnt hit me, so I'd continued on trying new drinks.

This is when I hit the proverbial wall that is called Emma's Alcohol Tolerance.
I crashed face first into that wall and metaphorically broke every bone in my body.
I have never been that intoxicated before, nor have I ever been that sick.

I used to love the feeling of losing control when I was drunk, now I don't know why.
It took me about an hour to go from sober to ''holy crap, am I DYING?!".

Lots of alcohol + short period of time + not thinking properly = effed. up.

I really don't suggest drinking that much to anyone. Unless you have a death wish, or find barfing up your weight in liquid attractive.

Within 90 minutes I was blabbering, rolling on the floor, and not able to see a thing. Saying I had the spins is an understatement. I felt like I was on a demented Disney ride that was trying to suck my brain matter out of my ears.

According to friends, I really wanted to play Jumanji and wouldn't go into the lounge because Gaga told me there were tigers there.
Oh dear lord.

After lying on the hallway floor trying to get to the bathroom, I retreated to my room.
The girls on my floor (bless you all) took care of me, but I soon found out that the alcohol wasn't going to be staying in my body.

[insert ____ amount of time, throwing up in the bathroom]
I threw up 3 or 4 times in the bathroom. Go big or go home, eh?

I made it back to my bedroom, who knows how, where I threw up twice more into my garbage while sitting in my bed. I started to pass out (I guess black out would be the proper term) while listening to the Backstreet Boys. For some reason, as long as I could hear the boys singing I didn't need to throw up. Weird how your mind works.
I tried sleeping on my right side to face the fan, but the spins were too bad. I lay on my left side with my hands pressed against my wall, along with my face and legs. I woke up with the wall imprinted on my face. Sexy.
Why did I do this? "I needed to know where the hell I was".

I woke up this morning feeling fine, but that's only because I went to hell and back last night.
In NO WAY was all the drinking a good idea, and while some people probably laughed while reading this (that's the idea of the blog), I really don't recommend this to anyone.
It wasn't fun at all. I cried a lot, and felt really embarassed.

I repeat, I AM NOT RECOMMENDING THIS TO ANYONE.

To go in a completely different direction, I painted my nails today. I used my kit, and decided to make a blog showing you guys how to do the crazy stuff I'm doing to my nails.
It's going to be an easy, inexpensive tutorial :) .

http://letmenailyou.blogspot.com/

Check it out! Photos up soon.

Peace easy guys,
x

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If You're Not The One..

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand

If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today

‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right

And though I can’t be with you tonight

You know my heart is by your side

I wish that you could be the one I die with

I hope I love you all my life

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Misunderstood

I don't think I'll ever understand why I can't grow old with you.

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You, I'm Gonna Take You To A Gay Bar!

It has come to my attention that I've left a few things out of my blog that I should have mentioned!

Thingamajig 1) Choir Boy. The boy that we thought was smart, funny, and decently good looking.
It was a big lie. He is a d-bag. He's not that smart, he's really not that funny, and when you look at him closely it seems that he's been hit in the face by a slow moving object. Multiple times.

Bitter? No way. Never.

He's in Free The Children and apparently this makes him rebellious. Interesting. Good enough to two time me before we've really even started dating.

First of all, a girl with cleavage like mine doesn't date a guy with a face like his.

Secondly, while I seem much quieter than him (maybe that's because I can never get a word in) I have a much higher IQ. Well, it's not hard having a higher IQ than a doorknob, but still.

After going on our date (he called me out of the blue and asked me for dinner - he had reservations made) he texts me saying he's seeing a girl in Toronto from Free The Children. They're trying it long distance, but they've both agreed that they can date other people. Choir Boy says that we can still date if I want to. IF I WANT TO? No thank you. I'm not desperate.

He keeps trying to talk to me and be friendly, but I'm not having it right now.

Shoes (a guy in my drama class) is planning on getting Choir Boy to the gay bar with us so we can set Ass Raper on him.

Who is Ass Raper you ask?

Thingamajig 2) Well, Shoes and I went to Play, a gay bar on Jasper Avenue last night with the U of A OUTReach group. This is a group for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, etc, and the people who support them (being me). I was the token straight girl, it was awesome. We met up with a group on campus and headed off. Almost immediately Shoes spots Draham, a cute first year drama major just like us. They start talking. And talking. And talking.

We get to the club and we've become a threesome. We're having tones of fun drinking drinks with rude names. I had to get the boys to order the drinks for me because I couldn't say their names. Yes, the P and C word were involved.

Anyways. We start dancing and this gay guy taps me on the shoulder and twirls me around. He asks me to dance with this crazy look on his face so I said no. He didn't take no for an answer. He started thrusting against my butt with one of the most awkward boners I've ever felt in my life. He was thursting so hard that I got propelled forward into Draham and Shoes. They formed a blockade around me and Shoes sacrificed himself for my butt virginity.

We forced our way out of the dance crowd and it felt like being born - you shoot out of there like no one's business. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I haven't had this much fun in awhile.

We go back to dancing a little later and Ass Raper finds me again. I agree to dance and he whips me around so my back is facing him and he grabs onto my hip with one hand and my chest with the other. People cheer and I was terrified. Shoes and Draham look at me with their eyes wide open so I decide to get into it. I hold my hands above my hand and Ass Raper holds my hands.

I free myself eventually. He tells me he loves me. I am satisfied.

I was dancing on a mini stage podium area with the boys and decide that I am going to slutty dance.

And you know how I get when I slutty dance.

I was shaking my hips like Shakira and I think I turned some gay guys straight.

The good thing about gay bars is that you don't care what you look like (there wasn't a straight guy to be seen) and everyone is so happy. It's like a little community, they all take care of each other and love one another. Not in a kinky way guys, get your minds out of the gutter.

So all in all I had a great night. And so did Shoes and Draham! I think they're an item now.
I have done my good deed.

xx miss you all.

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Ring The Alarm! I've Been Through This Too Long

10:45am. Fire alarm. Evacuated from Humanities building. Not a drill. Someone walked through an alarmed door.

2:05pm. Fire alarm. Evacuated from Rutherford library. Drill. Had been waiting in line for a computer for 30 minutes, had only just gotten on one.

4:30pm. Fire alarm. Evacuated from Lister center. Not a drill. Someone was making garlic toast and burned it. Was in the bathroom.

Not pleased. Not pleased at all.

Last night I was feeling really homesick and had a good cry on the phone to my mum and dad.
I was having an early night and was lying in bed at 10:30. By 11:00 I was asleep. At 11:30 I'm woken up by severe pain on the top of my left shoulder.

My ipod dock fell off the top shelf above my bed and landed square ontop of my shoulder. I bit my lip and tried to take deep breaths. What I really wanted to do was throw my ipod dock out the window, but lucky for the ipod, I have screens on my window for that exact reason.
I have an impressive bruise on my shoulder and my right shoulder aches from carrying my bag all day.

Fml. Edmonton hates me, but as Heschl says ''electricity is just an illusion in Edmonton''.

Quote of the week: Z's pen breaks in film studies, and instead of saying something like ''shit!'' she says ''COCK!!". Never heard that before. I proceeded to laugh until I cried.
Note to self: wear waterproof mascara around Z.

Ah! M, the dodgeball nazi, slept with 17 guys in 14 days last year.
Impressed, or disgusted? I'm torn.

I'm going to buy a fish on friday at the West Edmonton Mall, and that is that! He shall be my buddy.

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Do Not Enter (My Pants)

Last night was res fest and it was a lot of fun...if you ignore the kick to the face, the drunken girls falling backwards, and the sweaty armpits in your mouth.
Yes, in your mouth.

Leather Jacket Club, Shiloh, The Latency (Vancouverites!), and 10 Second Epic played live and that was freaking awesome! The Latency were the best, personally, but I'm a little biased. I bought their cd after their show and Comet and I are burning it onto our laptops. The lead singer is gorgeous. I was close to jumping on stage and ripping his clothes off. When I say close, I mean really really close. My fingers were tingling, not to mention other places.

I'm ready to throw my laptop charger out the window. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I don't have $150 to shell out to buy a new one.

Computer dying. Will write more later.
FML.

I'm back a few hours later on Comet's computer. I was finally in my writing groove. Damn you computer, damn you.

Comet and I were floor housewives tonight and made the boys macaroni. We had a dance party in the kitchen and belted out ''You're So Vain''. The macaroni hit the spot - deeeeelish.
Comet is really into a boy on our floor and he happens to be a twin. She said, completely seriously, that she will make a ''twin sandwhich''. If I see one of the boys walking around looking traumatized I'll know what happened.

Gaga danced with a boy last night, Scarf Boy, that we all thought was gay. Turns out he's not - he tried to make out with her, braces and all. She solidly rejected him. Sorry, Gay Scarf Boy. Better luck time.

L and I went moshing and it was great. We started at the back of the crowd and somehow ended up front row center. It was PACKED. I got a lot of aggression out.

See? Now that I stopped writing I've lost my humour. I'm no longer funny and creative. I can't even remember what I did the past 2 days.

I've tried every flavour of Vitamin Water. That is actually pretty impressive when you think about it. Every. Single. Flavour. XXX and Grape are my favourite. 50 Cent being on the side of my bottle makes my life that bit sweeter.

I've been cleaning my room today which means I read 2 books. 2 full books. I'm very productive.
I'm being assigned an essay in English tomorrow and I just may crap my...boxers.

I've lost my humour like an 18 year old loses her virginity on prom night.


On a side note, I'm feeling weird about boys. As sad as it is, I can't get P out of my head. Life would be so different if we were together. As he said - we'd be living together. Most guys are here just to hook up (as are the girls), but I'm not the type of person to hook up with 3 guys in 2 days.

I miss you all! xx

New development: I was playing restaurant city on fb and all I got was a potato today. I've been waiting TWENTY FOUR HOURS for a POTATO?! I really do need someone to obsess over.

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Just Looking Around

Before I start, I must send out a shout out to the lovely Pammy K for reading. I wish you were my twin, because that would mean I was damn fine too.

Gagsalot now has a learning disability alongside her other illnesses. I'm predicting a tumour or syphilis in the near future.

Not too much has happened lately. My bar fridge is actually warmer than it is in my room so i'm using it as a microwave. Pizza pop? Leave it for 4 minutes and it'll be ready to go. Bam baby!

M and I stayed behind when people went to the waterpark tonight and did some crazy stuff.

This place was "bumpin"! We got ahead in our classes and did laundry together. I know, you guys are so jealous at how wild we are. It was wilder than watching pornos on a tuesday night.

Res fest is tomorrow night and I'm super excited. It's going to be a huuuge party and I cannot wait.

I think tonight I'll sleep in my freshly dried laundry. That way I'll smell delish in the morning and I'll be warm all night. Maybe my mattress won't fall off the bed too.

Black Magic and Meow Meow are at Keane tonight and I'm super jealous! I definitely wish I was there. It's okay though, I'm going to PitBull and that will rock my world.

Gagsalot is in love with many boys. She claims she's just ''looking around''. I admire this.

But now I don't - she just gave me a papercut.

I take back all nice things I said about her today.

She is the devil.

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Can I Kiss You?

Today was a long day, sans bee pollen Booster Juice.

I was kicked out of Spanish yesterday because I was too advanced (some say smarty pants, I prefer genius) and moved up a couple levels.

Now, I'm not the brightest star in the sky... I went back to my original Spanish class because I can't seem to read a time table properly. Who knows how I'm surviving right now.

After waking up this morning to yet more air balloons outside my window - 2 today - I got ready in a hurry because I thought I'd slept through my alarm. I couldn't find my phone in all my sheets and it was so light outside that I assumed I must have slept through my morning classes. Panicked, I threw my clothes on and ran a brush through my hair. I found my cell phone and read the time - 7.45. An HOUR before I was set to wake up.

As I said, I prefer genius.

H was wearing the same striped shirt this morning, but changed into a purple shirt for dodgeball. He's taking risks people, it's great.

On another note, Gaga now has a UTI as well as her original illnesses.

Comet kicked butt in dodgeball today and I managed to, well, dodge... my brain is still somewhat intact.

The first years went to a presentation called ''Can I Kiss You?" which started off strange and became weirder... ''if you were interested in me right now, where would you touch me?", "pussy!", and ''let's get the kids to bed so we can have some fun at 11" are some of the quotes. Parts of it were really emotional and I think it affected a lot of people. Maybe we'll see a bit of change, at least for a little while.

I may possibly have a date with someone that I will call Choir Boy. I'm not sure if it's an actual date, but I think he asked me out to a drama performance next week. We'll see how strangely he acts in class tomorrow. I'm not in stalker mode yet.

Just you wait...

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That's What She Said

I've really settled into university life.
I've had the neccessary ''I wish I hadn't drunk that much last night" hang over, signed up for dodgeball, and eaten gross cafeteria food that looks radioactive.
You know you're settling in when you sink into your bed and fall asleep almost instantly. Unfortunately that didn't happen last night - I fell asleep at 4:30am and had to wake up at 7am for class. I grabbed a Booster Juice on my way to class and had the ''energy booster powder'' which consisted of bee pollen. I'm not sure if it worked, but at least now I can say I'm not allergic to eating bees.

I'm a part of ''The Horrible Threesome'' which consists of Gaga (Gagsalot I call her), Comet, and I. We hang out constantly and are having some very good times. If I'm not in my room I can usually be found lying on Gaga's floor painting my nails or reading. Gaga is a hypochondriac and has so far had the following illnesses : chlamydia, gonorrhea, fever, flu, and cancer. We're waiting to see what happens next, I'm incredibly excited.

Oh, by the way, according to Gaga her hand wipes smell like ''a baby's asshole''. It's going on the quote wall alongside ''are you jerking off or choking a weasel?". Who ever said alcohol makes people lose their humour is clearly wrong. K spent about 40 minutes describing and coming up with an equation for ''why my morning boner was not a boner''. Something about ball sack < 15 being a hidden penis and ball sack being larger than 15 = propped penis. I have photos because I can't even begin to explain it properly. I'm not sure K can either.

I've only fallen up/down stairs once, and today I got kicked out off spanish for being too advanced. I also smelled, tasted, and listened to my drama room for half an hour. All in all, it's been a good start to the year.

On a side note, my mum's going in for surgery tomorrow morning and my stomach is in knots. You're in my thoughts mum, and I hope everything goes well!

xx

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Let's Get Together, Yeah Yeah Yeah!

The last 2 nights have been really fun.
I was having trouble connecting with people on my floor. I'm not entirely sure why.
Actually, that's a lie. I was starting to hide.
So last night when the girls asked me to go out with them, I said yes.

And it was great!

We all looked good but weren't too done up. I brought a purse my mum just bought for me and that was really helpful. I had my stuff nearby all night, but didn't feel like I was lugging a huge bag around. Anyways.

When we got outside res, we saw this big limo. I said pretty loudly (how else do I do things?) "how can anyone afford to take a limo? we're all poor uni students. i need food.'' and this guy came over, handed us all a shot and told us that we got a free limo ride if we went to this club called Lucky 13. Personally, I think it sounds like a strip club, but there were 9 of us so we got in.
We got into the bar and it was EMPTY. We each got a shot called a Porn Star (delicious!) and went to the bar we originally planned on going to, Union. We got in for free and were given $20 at the door for drinks. Fabulous!

We ended up splitting up a bit, but I was constantly dancing with D. She's such a good dancer! I definitely took some pointers.

D and Comet hooked up our friend Gaga (that's what I'll call her) with a guy named H. He's got gorgeous blue eyes and really nice brown hair. While I originally had my eye on him, I didn't mind. They danced all night long and ended up hooking up. He has a nice big hickey on the side of his neck. Endless teasing ensued.

Tonight, some of the floor hung out in the common room and just chilled. People brought some beer out - this is university, beer is a constant thing - and started playing games like Kings Cup (they call it sociables here) and Never Have I Ever. They're dumb drinking games, but we were all having fun and bonding.

This is where the trouble starts.
This girl that I met a few days ago, Lip Ring, started flirting with H. H didn't stop it, infact he was enjoying it and kept it going. Gaga was nearby. Uh oh. Lip Ring is a nice girl, I like her, but he has a huge hickey on his neck! Idk. If I'd seen the hickey I would have stopped flirting with him.
Gaga goes up to H and asks if she's wasting her time with him. A fair question! Since last night he's been acting like they were going to go out. Cuddling in her bed, holding her hand, etc.
If I was Gaga I would have thought something was happening too.
I digress.
H then tells Gaga that ''maybe we should talk'' and leads her into his room. He plays guitar and brushes her off, giving her the ''I'm just not relationship material right now'' line.

I smell bullshit, and it's coming from H's room.

I feel for Gaga. I've been in the situation where you have your hopes up and someone completely dashes them. *cough* P *cough*. It hurts a lot, and I think she's embarassed. She's not the type of girl to be a one night stand and her dignity is hurt. If she'd known he would brush her off, she wouldn't have kissed him.

Blah. Gaga, Comet and I had a lot of fun tonight though. We really bonded and I think they're people I can really connect with. We had a good long talk about boys and cheered her up.

Everything is going a lot better now.

On a side note, T, have a great time in Halifax! don't be too scared.

xx everyone.

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Naked All The Time

Living in residence most definitely has it's benefits.
You meet new people constantly, you have food nearby, you sleep whenever you want to,
and you can be naked. all the time.

Take right now for example. I'm sitting in my dorm room and I've got the lock on. What's stopping me from being naked? Nothing! No one's going to barge in on me and I don't have to be anywhere anytime soon.
I could be naked all day long if I felt like it.

On a not-so-naked side of things, I feel much better today. I got 12 hours of glorious sleep and a girl on my floor, L, walked around campus with me and helped me find my classes so I wouldn't freak out too much tomorrow. She didn't have to, but she did. She's super nice and on my floor.
One more friend, cha-ching.
We also went out to Super Store. We got on the LRT (like the skytrain in Vancouver) and got off on the last stop. Northern Edmonton is SKETCHY. We walked to Super Store, picked up 3 pounds of popcorn kernels - she brought a popcorn machine, very exciting - then we walked to the Super Store Liquor Store.

For all of you wondering why I moved to somewhere like Edmonton, Alberta, I'll now tell you why.
15 cans of beer. A decent beer. Doesn't taste like crap, doesn't taste like heaven either. Drinkable. How much, you ask? $15. WITHOUT TAX.
But who am I without my Malibu? a 26 = $21. This 26 is going to last me quittttte awhile, and I think $21 is completely reasonable.
Y'all are jealous.

So, so far school consists of beer and getting naked.
Guess I'm living the university life after all.

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