The Ninja Lies in Wait

This is really overdue, all I'm gonna say.

November 2nd is a monumental day. What happens on November 2nd you ask?
THE TWINS CELEBRATE THEIR BIRTHDAYS!

Last year I got Eveera a diamond ring with a bagillion (5) diamonds on it. I had to step it up. I told her her present was coming in the mail,
and it did.

Kind of.

That weekend I hopped on a plane back to Vancouver. After sneaking up on PM, I pulled another mega ninja attack.

As the elevator doors opened with the twins in it, I surprised them!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINS! The looks on their faces was priceless. Then I surprised Farrellkins in her apartment. Overall, it was really fun.

Lots of girls nights, hanging out, and going to bars. I had a great time.

Sorry I'm so boring, I haven't really slept in 2 days. I'll go get on that.

Tomorrow's mission : Christmas shopping at the West Edmonton Mall. aka Hell.

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I Am Such A Man

when it comes to relationships.
Not in a Lady Gaga ''no, I really am kind of a man'' way (she's gorgeous, but the whole ''my boyfriend likes to stroke my nub'' thing freaked me out a little, not gonna lie).
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I'm in it for the chase, as soon as I know I have you I'm bored. I plot and scheme to get you to say ''I'm yours'', but as soon as you say it I'm gone.
It's terrible.
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I'm kind of possibly a little bit maybe seeing this guy. We'll call him Kanye. He was easy to snag and at first it was really nice. He calls me all the time, says he misses me, talks to me about his friends,
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but now I'm FREAKING OUT.
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He told his mum about me! She wants me to visit her in Red Deer at christmas and meet the family! He wants to take me to the Calgary Zoo!
HOLY BANANAS WHAT THE HOO HAH HAPPENED HERE?!
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I'm feeling overwhelmed. I thought I wanted a relationship, but I'm just not feeling it. When I'm next to him I'm all for it. Well, when we're making out I'm all for it. But before and after that it's like ''eep. I don't think I'm that into him.''. My brain keeps telling me that I want him as a hook up. I want to remain friends! But I don't think that's possible. He seems really into me and I know he's a relationship kind of guy.
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Why am I such a cold, heartless beast?
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I should be thinking about him, but I'm thinking about other people instead.
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I'm a dick.

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May My Heart Rest In Peace

You're out getting high, I'm here pretending I'm in love

My last post was angry, sad, resentful.

heart broken.

-

Paul has been a huge part of my life for the last 4 years. For someone as emotionally selfish as myself, loving someone that much and giving so much of myself is a huge deal. But I needed to get away. He needed to get away. He's got a new girlfriend and a new life that I can't fit into. And to be totally honest - I have a new life too, and he doesn't belong here. In a perfect world we'd be living together like we'd dreamed and everything would be rainbows and bunnies, but in reality things don't always go as you'd planned.

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I'm finally starting to realize that that's okay.

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After telling Paul that I had been pregnant I had a really good cry. A really good long cry. By the next morning I was void of emotion and that was what I needed to talk to Paul and say goodbye properly.

In the past when we've parted ways it's been angry, and that in itself gave us a reason to start talking again in the future. I needed us to be neutral so that we'd have no more excuses to crash into each other's lives anymore.

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I called and asked how he was doing. He wasn't doing too well, but that's okay. He needs to start feeling a bit of what I felt when I was alone and scared. He needs to start seeing what I did for him. I wasn't all talk - I really would have done anything for him.

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By the end of the conversation, everything that could possibly be said was said. I didn't cry, I didn't yell. I was caring and mature. I apologized, he apologized. And I wished him luck.

I know some people think I should message Paul's girlfriend and let her know what's been happening. At one point I was going to do just that, but that's not my place. When it comes down to it, his girlfriend hasn't wronged me in any way. It was Paul that hurt me, it's not my right to break her heart. That would be vindictive and evil, and I'm no longer the kind of person that would do that.

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Paul was the last tie I had to my old self, and I feel...relieved. Don't get me
wrong, I already miss him and I've already cried to multiple friends on the
phone about it, but the consensus is that it was the right thing to do and I'm
finally free.

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We both are.

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Ps I really hate how my blog won't let me space out my paragraphs anymore.

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With You, It's Always Midnight

are you blind? can't you see me standin' here waiting in line for you

are you mine? not just when you want to be, but all of the time

are you blind? dont you see me standin' here, wont you tell me what it is im waiting to find

you're right, i must be crazy

but i'd rather be crazy than right tonight

Paul messaged me on facebook out of the blue today. It was bizarre, because I'd had a dream about him that night and I hadn't done that in a long while. It was a creepy coincidence.

We ended up talking on the phone and it was pretty bad.

"What do you want, Paul. Honestly."

"I want to be civil to you."

"I'm civil to the people I see in the elevator, why take all this trouble to have me be an unimportant part of your life?

"I don't know."

I DONT KNOW.

Well great, thanks for coming back into my life for some unknown reason. Thanks for letting me know you still think about me, and that you regret what happened.

The ball was in your court and you fucked up.

You cheated on your girlfriend, you lost a good friend, and hopefully you always regret what happened.

I told him I didn't believe his apology. He told me that he never cared for me as much as I cared for him and that really hurt. But you know what? It's true. In a weird way it was good to hear it from his lips.

He asked me what I wanted to do and I told him that it was probably best for me to take him out of my life completely, for good.

We said goodbye.

I cried in my bed for awhile, then Comet and Gagsalot came in.They cuddled me and it helped. I just needed some physical contact. Then I texted him...

"You know what? I can tell you this now that we're saying goodbye forever. November of 07 I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to protect you. You say you feel guilty, well I live with it every day. At least you get to forget about it."

I'd never told Paul because I wanted to save him the guilt and stress that I'd gone through. I dealt with it alone and only told my friend Sus when it was all happening. Because I would have done anything for him and because I didn't want him to leave.

He ended up leaving anyway.

Paul got emotional on the phone and told me I should have told him. He said he wouldn't have left, he would have dropped everything and come to be with me. ''It would have lead me right to you''. Bull shit. He's pinning this on me and making me feel like I was the one who did everything wrong.

Wrong. You're the one who left me alone. So fuck you.

I was going to tell your girlfriend what you did, but I held off. I'm too hurt right now - but you'd better fucking watch yourself.

You do not fuck with me. No one fucks with me. And I'm tempted to make you hurt just as much as I have.

Don't think you can randomly waltz into my life and make me feel like shit again.

I will ruin you.

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Lessons Are Important Mes Amis

I hope you all had as amazing of a time on Halloween as I did!
But those stories are for a little later.

I had a revelation last night.
I was thinking about Soccer Boy and you know what? He's not that nice. Well, he is, but he still has those boyish qualities that make him a bit of a dick. He flirts with me constantly, but when an opportunity to hang out arises he's nowhere to be seen.
So I asked myself the same question I've been asking for the last 3 years. ''My name is Emma ______, where are my balls?!".
I don't chase boys. I used to, but honestly..if I'm having to chase them, they're not worth it. I'm mature enough to see that now. So ladies, take it from someone who has learned the lesson at least 8 and a half times: if a guy's running, it's not because he wants you to follow. He wants to get the fuck away from you.
So.. bye for now Soccer Boy. Maybe I only liked you so much because you reminded me of P. I hope that's not the case, but it's a definite possibility.

OKAY.

Story time from Halloween.

I am introducing someone new into the blog today. We shall call him Ninja Turtle.

Ninja Turtle helped me sew my costume and was incredibly flirty. I'm not crazy! Gagsalot saw and confirmed my suspicions. For the rest of the night he was constantly near me, touching me, or talking to me. Near 1am (about 7 hours into our partying, we're beasts) he started leaning on me and practically lying ontop of me. Sure, it felt nice, until someone mentioned his GIRLFRIEND.

Umm... GIRLFRIEND?!

F*ck. You know what? Screw the *. FUCK!
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

The guilty look on his face was pretty hilarious, but still. Girlfriend. I'm not playing that game again, I learned that lesson already. See? People, lessons are important.

That way you don't stalk boys or sleep with guys that have girlfriends.

;) I am a cauldron of knowledge.
(do you like the Halloween reference?)

For Halloween we had a floor crawl, but I learned my lesson (ANOTHER LESSON!) the first time. I stuck with my own alcohol...

...except for some Cariboo Lou.

Now, this shit is delicious but DANGEROUS. Seriously. Hide your debit card, cell phone, and laptop before drinking this stuff. You cannot taste any alcohol whatsoever and it will fuck. you. up. What's in it? 151, malibu rum and pineapple juice.

You know how I am about my malibu and pineapple juice. Of course I had to try it.

After sipping 2 of these, I realized that I could have no more. I wasn't feeling sick at all, but give me on more and I'll probably fall off the edge. I'd rather remember Halloween, thanks. This mix is so famous for being dangerous that Tech N9ne RAPS ABOUT IT. Yeah. Ok. See, that's hardcore. I'm not going to quote the lyrics, even though I'm tempted, because they are rude and involve... err... people having too much fun.

After the Cariboo Lou I probably wasn't as firm as I would have been sober, so he ended up leaning on me a whole bunch more. I didn't stop it really, but I knew that I wouldn't make a move and if he did I'd be out of there in a second. We ended up sitting in the lounge until about 3am with my head in his lap, talking. It was nice. While there's definite chemistry there, I think we might be able to be just friends.

And last night I had my head in his lap (on a pillow) while watching Troy. Again. Oops.

Nothing's going to happen, so I'm not worried.

Halloween was crazyyy. Kurtis dressed up as spiderman (I was a black widow spider! We were married in a weird, weird, way) and near 2am he found some rope and hung upside down in the stairwell. Now, this would be horrible if it were anyone else, but Kurtis is a genius. He's an engineering student, and while he gets the most drunk out of everyone, his brain is still intact. Who knows how. It was hilarious.

Some people from my floor and I were waiting for a cab to go to a club (we ended up not going) but we were getting bored, and we were drunk, so we needed something to do. So..we found a cop car and danced/sat on it... and took photos. No, the cops were not in the car, and no, they weren't nearby. Thank goodness.

Gosh, there are so many stories from that night. Comet found a boy that likes geckos just as much as she does, and I think she was going to jizz all over her creepy clown costume. Gagsalot was flirting with danger, aka Dan Vano, and I nearly pissed my pants from laughing so hard. You'd have to meet him to understand. Let's just say it wasn't the proudest moment in Gagsalot's life. Proudest in mine though...

On another note, we won in dodgeball last night! We've been so close to a win for awhile and we finally got one. It felt great, 4k, 4k, LET'S HAVE FUN! The chant finally worked. SCHA-WING!

We watched Jackass with our floor the other day and decided to do some of our own stunts... garbage can jousting in shopping carts, then while running; shopping cart jumps; and shopping cart bumper cars. Videos on facebook, maybe youtube soon. Lots of blood and bruises, but it was so much fun.

Paranormal Activity is the freakiest movie I've ever seen in my life, hands down. We sat in the second row because we were late. I have bad motion sickness. I get sick in the car almost everytime we drive somewhere. Even when I'm driving sometimes. I ended up spending the whole movie with my head between my legs and I was STILL terrified. I watched it online with Gagsalot later and man. Seeing it adds a whole new dimension. What I imagined was a bit scarier, but seeing it makes you believe it more. The ending in the online version sucks though.
...as I wrote this, the cleaning woman outside knocked on my door. Holy crap.

I'm a dork, so I'm seeing the movie again in theaters tonight with this super cute guy named Will that I met on the first day. He's the first person I ever met At the U of A! Potential?

Cmon, you're not surprised that I like 2 or 3 guys at once, don't even pretend to be shocked.

I love you guys, and thanks so much for the support!
I hope you had a great week. I love all your Halloween photos.

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