Go Shorty, It's Your Birthday!

We gonna party like it's your birthday!

Goals for Dino's birthday:
--> get a second stripper poster. check.
--> get pretty darn drunk. check.
--> protect dino from drama. check.
--> show your boo- what?

what?

ugh. no no no. bad shmemma. bad bad bad shmemma. I bet my mum rolled over in her bed because she could sense I was doing terrible things.



My first thought waking up on saturday morning after Dino's birthday... ''please say last night was a dream''. I opened one of my eyes a little and saw Queefer sitting on the air mattress with Stoico. Queefer's hair is fancy and Stoico looks as pained as I do to be awake. Crap. So last night did happen.

My heels were slippery and I fell 30 feet down a hallway. My arms were flailing. Queefer said she looked at me and thought ''what the hell is wrong with Emma? how fucked up is she?" and Dino told me she was saying ''YABA DABA DOOOO!" in her head because my feet were moving so fast. But I didn't fall, I somehow survived, unhurt.

Douchebag McGee came last night with Brem. DMG was a freak all night long - hitting on me and FVale, lying in my bed asking if I was going to ''stay and have some fun with him'', and telling me that by the end of the night he bet that he'd have Dino ''wrapped around [his] little finger again''. I called him out, told him he was being a tool and that if he kept his act up, he'd lose Dino.

"I'm not that kind of guy''
''Who what? Apologizes when he's wrong?"
and then he winks at me.

Would you effing stop WINKING at me?! Dino is sitting NEXT TO ME. I was so embarassed.
--
Dino just told Beaver and JRock and she slept with Brem on her birthday... and they high fived her.
I'm confused. What? High fived her?

This is ridiculous.
When I fooled around with English and he had a girlfriend the guilt ate me up. I had nightmares for months. I couldn't even be around her,

and they're high-fiving Dino?


Dino says that this is where my life experience and maturity really show. It bothers me that everyone seems so cool with this.

I'm confused. I don't see why everyone's passing off terrible things people do (like Brem cheating on his girl 3 times in less than a month) and just simply saying ''it's how he is''.

Yeah, it may be how he is, but how he is is BAD. I don't get why that's okay.

It's not okay. At all.

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I'm Wondering Why You've Been The Love of My Life

for so long.

Last night was a bust, unfortunately. I couldn't get Kanye and P out of my head. Every man in sight seemed like a pig, a cheater, and a heart breaker. That guy looking at me? Yeah, stop looking. I know you're a douche. I'm so mean.
My fractured hand was killing me and pain killers + alcohol = bad idea. After half a cooler I gave it to FruitVale because I didn't want to get sick. I LRT'd back to Lister alone (I wanted the girls to stay, Dino really needed a night out) and at 2am Dino, Beaver and I went to the ER. I wasn't willing to wait for 7 hours to hear ''take some tylenol and wrap it up'' so we walked back.

I stayed up pretty late talking to Dino about things going on in our heads. We're both feeling pretty lost.
I feel lonely without Kanye and i'm terrified P and I have no future. Sounds stupid since we're not even talking, but I mean.. I think about him all the time, doesn't that mean he must think about me?

Karmic synergy.. please work.

I'm not looking forward to going home in 3 weeks. I love it here.

On another note, Lines started talking to me again today. We used to hook up pretty consistently, but we haven't talked in 2 years. I know he uses lines all the time, hence the nickname, but I can't help but feel flattered and fall for them a bit.
What's wrong with a little summer fling? ... everything.

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Just Lie

"and tell them you're catching a flight tomorrow morning, that way they'll have to give you your jacket back!"
and it worked. Dino somehow lost her coat check ticket so we had to figure out a plan. In the end, we got her jacket back and LRT'd it back to Lister.

Thursday was the End of the Year Lister Bash and it was a lot of fun. The $10 for the ticket was totally worth it. Broken Ankle came to our floor and predrank with Dino and I, and I went for it. I had a mickey of rum and a bit of vodka left and we polished it off nicely. I'm a light weight now so it hit me hard, but I was perfectly drunk. I could control myself, but I was having a lot of fun. $1 draft and $3 highballs are amazing things.

In the end, Broken Ankle got kicked out (he doesn't remember why) and Princess B got kicked out for falling on his face. Sweetie, Beaver, and J Rock went on the mechanical bull and were amazing! I found a gorgeous boy, but he was soon lost after I walked away. Sweetie and Barney were dancing with older women for a bit and it was great. Sweetie and I two stepped for a while, and he spun me all over the dance floor. All in all, a great night. I had a LOT of fun, but I had a nagging thought in my head the whole time: is this my last Lister party? I have so much fun here, I don't want to go.

Okay.. a little rant. Brem. Dino's ''friend''. I don't like this guy - he cheated on his girlfriend TWICE in one night, didn't tell her, tried to sleep with Dino and didn't apologize. Now he's invited Douchebag McGee to Dino's birthday and THEN texts her saying that DMG has a girlfriend. ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!

ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!

He is NOT a friend. Friends are supposed to make you happy and protect you. Are you kidding me, Brem? Go eff yourself.

Last night the girls and I watched ''My Sister's Keeper" which was really sad. It made me think about my mum, Oliver, and Dino's mum. Dino had a really rough time, she lay on the carpet and wouldn't watch. I know how she feels, but I wanted her to have some time to herself. My mum almost died in the hospital 3 years ago and that was terrifying. I feel really bad for her, but I know she'll come to me if she needs any help.
I hope Dino knows that we love her and don't need her to act a certain way. It hurts me a lot to think that she feels like she has to act a certain way or I won't like her. She can't let me down.

I'm so pissed off about Brem I have to go. I think I need to have my hand x rayed because it still hurts like a biotch.

Stupid Brem. I'm giving him the ''you're a piece of shit'' glare all night.

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The Best Thing About Tonight Is We're Not Fighting

No, that's a lie.

My mother cannot get off my back. Sometimes, she's amazing and I feel like we're truly becoming friends. She'll book me flights so that I can come home even when I wasn't supposed to, but as soon as I'm physically near her she lashes out and uses me as her verbal punching bag. Why hasn't this stopped? Haven't there been enough broken hearts already? home for a week, I realize why I was so unhappy for 4 years- there is something toxic about my Vancouver life. I fight with my family, luck seems to evade me, and I doubt myself constantly. Must be in the sea air. I'm not as upset as I was last night, but I felt humiliated.
"How come everyone else's children can keep a job?"
Well, actually, I've never been fired from a job. I've discussed with you extensively every circumstance when I wanted to quit, and you agreed.. so don't make it seem like I'm a failure.

Stop making me feel like I'm fat
Stop making me feel like I'm useless
Stop making me feel like you don't love me.

It's not fair to me, and I won't fucking have it anymore. I'm turning twenty in the fall, I'm no longer a child. And even if I was younger, I do not deserve your disrespect. Grow up. We both have learning to do.


Kanye is still in my head. I miss him, but I know he's not the right thing for me. I'm still embarassed, everything he said he was saying to someone else at the same time. It's pathetic and I don't know why I'm the one feeling stupid. Shouldn't he be the one feeling bad? I deleted his number, and I'm sure he's done the same with mine. I won't be getting any apologies from him, I'm sure. I think I only want one as an excuse to keep in contact.



I love the Sex and the City movie. I think it's funny, the fashion is amazing, and everything somehow works out in the end.
Like.. Carrie and Mr Big. I like to think that their story will end up as my story. They break up, stay apart for a few years, but end up together.

I'm looking up at the clouds and begging Paul to be the Mr Big to my Carrie.
Do it! You know you want to.
Plus she has some amazing outfits. I can't get over her white flower dress from the first scene. Holy man. I'd wear that everywhere.

On the way over, the pressure from flying murdered my ears. I was in a lot of pain for 3 or 4 days, but today on my flight I was totally okay! I think it must have been because my nose was blocked due to my cold. I was so nervous, my stomach was in knots. Phew.

I met a cute boy in the airport today. We'll call him Winterpeg. This crazy woman sat next to him and she was ridiculous. She kept asking everyone how long the flight was and complaining about how hot it was. Her voice was terrible, so grating. Winterpeg and I kept catching eachother's eye and trying not to laugh.
Eventually we went and stood in line together and started talking. He's adorable and funny. Did I mention adorable? Yeah. This guy was hot. Lots of tattoos and piercings, but they didnt' weigh his body or face down. They suited him. Unfortunately, he doesn't live in Edmonton. He was catching another flight afterwards to Winnipeg. Who wants to go to Manisnowba anyways?
Come back to Edmonton! Please!
It's just my luck, finding a cute adorable boy who seems interested and he lives somewhere else.
I didn't even bother getting his name or phone number, but I kind of like it that way. This feels... romantic.

Dino and I are doing a lot of homework tonight. I can't wait to get this Directing assignment completely over with. I'm so fed up. I'm so stressed. Finals, moving, finding somewhere to live, and jobs. God. I just need to get through this and not fall apart. I can do it. I can do it.

I can do it.

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Love Don't Let Me Go

Happy Easter!

...from Vancouver.



The surprise was for my father and sisters, my mum flew me home for a week to celebrate my dad's birthday and easter with the family. So far it's been great! I drove down to the beach at midnight with Natewoo, had a girls night, along with a lot of hanging out time with PM and her boyfriend, Klutz. They're so cute together, it makes me miss being held by someone.

A few things to talk about:

Kanye. Stupid, stupid Kanye. He has a girlfriend.

Yup, you read that right. A girlfriend. How did I find out? Facebook.
Thanks Kanye. You just gave me a huge lecture about how you thought I was being immature and childish, you fucking hypocrite. Now I've caught him in a huge lie. He said, and I quote verbatum, "I'm not ready for a relationship". He's got a lot of stuff going on right now, like uhh.. his going to jail. Nah, he didn't murder anyone. He just has some fines he has to pay. Still, jail is a big deal - what are you getting a girlfriend for? All those nights he talked to me until sunrise are now fake and tarnished, because on our off nights he was doing the same to her. Well, great. I'm really hurt. I was really trying to be his friend and this is what I get?

In that case, friends off.

I deleted his number out of my phone and he's off facebook. I can only give someone so many chances, it seems like he was practically begging to be kicked out of my life. He didn't even tell me in person or over a phone call. Facebook, really?

On another note, my hand is fucked up. Like Oxymoron, Midget (my younger sister) doesn't understand how to apologize. Instead she rolls her eyes, acting like a little spoiled brat, and snears. If my hand wasn't fractured, I'd punch her in the face. She punched me with a pillow over her first and shoved two of my fingers on my left hand into the knuckle. This was over 16 hours ago, and my hand still hurts a lot. I can't grip things, and I can't flex my hand. It hurts all the way down to the wrist. Fractured. Great. Everyone, saying "I'm sorry" sincerely can fix a lot of things. I wouldn't be upset if she'd apologized, I know it was an accident, but the second you act like a little bitch you're in my bad books. I'm not being friendly again until she says she's sorry. It wouldn't be a big deal if my hand wasn't hurting me so badly. She's done real damage.

What else... still trying to get back into residence.

And.. I was talking with PM, and she said she believes P and I will get back together one day. There goes my realization that he wasn't the one for me. I'm totally back at square one, lusting after him and dreaming of a future that may be entirely impossible. Oh well, back to being my usual neurotic obsessive self!

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