Is Cheating Only Okay In Uno?

My grandmother cheated all the time in Uno. We've been playing Uno together since I was about 3 or 4. Sure, way back then I'd just throw random colours down, but once I got better I noticed my grandmother getting much better too. Then one day a card fell out of her sleeve and the jig was up.

My grandmother was scamming me in Uno.

People cheat in card games and on tests they're not ready for, but they also cheat on people they're in relationships with.

I originally typed in love with but I feel like they're should be an asterix next to it saying

*"in love"

* in love with, but was drunk

* in love with, but were currently fighting

* in love, but drinking

* pretending to be in love

etc.

So we'll stick with ''in a relationship'' for now, because there are so many different situations and circumstances that I can't judge. Well, I can. I just may not be anywhere near the correct story.

I'm proud to say I've never cheated on anyone I was in a relationship with. I'm not all angel wings and gold stars though. I've always been completely honest here, so I'll admit it - I've helped someone cheat. I wasn't proud of it then, and I'm not proud of it now. I still get embarassed when I think about it. In the end, the girl told me she was infact glad it happened. He really was a piece of shit. It's a shame it took us both so long to figure it out. Anyway, that is a very long story and I'm glad I owned up to it and apologized to her. And threw his house key off the 10th floor of my apartment building into the snow 2 years ago. That felt REALLY good.

But back to the point. I don't think I could cheat. I'd feel so horrible. KCat and I have talked about it and we've both agreed that if either of us ever cheats, it's over. We couldn't live with the knowledge that the other one had did something like that and neither of us would be able to move on from it. I think if you truly love someone, you can fight those urges whether you're in a fight or you're extremely drunk, etc.

You're probably thinking ''some people get so drunk they don't know what they're doing''. Sorry sweetheart, but it's not an admissible defence in a court of law and it sure as hell isn't admissible in my court of love.

Judge ruling - you're NEVER so drunk that you don't know what you're doing.

You don't wanna kiss that other person? Keep your mouth attached to a glass of water. You don't wanna dance with that person? Take a seat. Keep your ass on that chair.

Regardless of how much I drink, I ALWAYS have the knowledge that I'm in an exclusive and committed relationship with someone I really care about.

I know people who have cheated and it made me look at them differently, even if they were (or are) friends of mine. This girl I used to know in highschool swore she loved her boyfriend. He's all anyone ever heard about and she pasted quotes about true love all over the place. He was literally her world. And then she cheated on him. Twice. When he was at the same parties. I think she also cheated once when he wasn't there, I can't exactly remember.

It's insane that I don't know how many times she cheated because she cheated SO MANY TIMES.

I can understand why some people cheat, but that doesn't mean I like it or think they had good reasons. Break up with the person first. I've been cheated on by 2 boyfriends. One I didn't care about, I was looking for a good excuse to break up. But the other one, it really stung. Be human enough to end it.

I thought she was pretty, she's nothing like the things you said

The woman you described couldn't even turn your head

The two of you looked lost inside a world all your own

Like you couldn't wait to get her alone

So I guess that means that things are better

They must not be so bad at home

I thought it looked like you were leaving, but it don't.

And I heard you tell her you still love her

So it doesn't matter what you say

I saw it all from a table away

And that's where you're gonna stay, a table away.

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A Little Early

I know, I know. It's Thanksgiving weekend.

But! I'm not having turkey or anything. I'm staying here, in ETown. My roomies are gone so I've been all alone today.

So... I cleaned the kitchen, went through recipe books (and tried a few - I'm so full I could throw up) and made cookies.

HALLOWEEN COOKIES! I'm so excited for halloween. I'm going as Aphrodite and my boyfriend is going as Ares. So yeah, sure, my cookies are a little premature. But I'm planning on making about 6 more batches anyways. Might as well start now.

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Open My Eyes, I See Sky

Before you attack me, I have an excuse as to why I haven't posted in so long!

A legitimate excuse at that. It's really hard to blog when you don't have a) a computer or b) a laptop.

Now I have both, and I am BACK.

Life is complicated, but it's a good kind of complicated. I'll go into more detail soon because it's a long story, but I had to reinvent myself this summer. And I feel pretty good. There are still some things I need to change (like getting my lazy ass to the gym) but I've changed a lot on other fronts (guess what I did all week? studied. No last minute cramming for this student either).

It's all about balance and making myself happy. I'm still working on that, but the great friends and absolutely fantastic boyfriend (yes, 7 months later and I'm still in heaven) have helped me along the way when I couldn't do the job myself.

So that's the short of it for now. I've had my computer back for a day and a half and look at me now... 2:16am and unable to shut my windows. It's great to see how quickly I can bounce back into the Great Procrastinator! But, school is extremely important right now. If I stick to my schedule and stay on the same path I'm on now I should be fine. I just have to be strict with myself. There's no room for error with school right now. I'm on my second chance (definitely more on that later).

Tonight I watched Pride and Prejudice for the bajillionth time. I love that movie. It's so much nicer watching a romantic movie when you have someone you love. Instead of sobbing ''Oh my God, I'M SO LONELY!" during the kissing scenes, I'm thinking how much better all our kisses have been.

Awwwww *insert vomit here* but hey. I've had (more than) my fair share of jackass exboyfriends. I'm allowed to be as mushy and as disgusting as I want now that I've got a good boyfriend.

So suck it, just be happy I'm back 'cause I sure missed you.

;)

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Secret Heart

June 20th, 2011
10:30pm

I said "I love you''.

It feels amazing to finally get it off my chest, but it feels even better to know I truly mean it.

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:)

I am so happy with you.

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I Wake To You

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, life has been busy!

I'm working 2 jobs and that's keeping me very busy. Not to mention moving, working out, and spending time with the amazing boyfriend.

Life is really great right now.

:)

More of an update later! It's 2am and I work in the morning.

"This is the way I need to wake, I wake to you."

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I'm Not Ready To Go

You think you've heard this before
I'll try to say it differently
As long as it come naturally to me
It's been making me sad
'Cause I can't find a better way
To speak the words I wanna say to you

Know how I love you
And know how I need you

And I want you to know
I won't let you down
No, I can't let go

Once again, I'm packing. I'm in my room in residence surrounded by cardboard boxes and empty hallways. I've lived in Lister for 2 years now. I remember those first few days in my first year, I thought I'd made a huge mistake and wanted to go home. Once I let my walls down and got over how scared I was, I made this my new home.

And now I don't want to go.

I'm ready to leave Lister, I know I can make it out on my own, but I'm finding that I don't want to leave. Not just yet. I'm going to miss living across the hall from my best friends. I'm going to miss studying in the cafeteria until 1am. I'm going to miss the torn apart lounge every Sunday morning. There are so many things that I'm going to really miss and I regret not taking more time to appreciate it.

Last year was my party year - I went wild. I went out 2 or 3 times a week and had the time of my life. I made great friends and I was accepted into a new family. This year I made a lot of new friends but was much quieter - school came first. I don't regret it, but I know studying will be easier in my own private home.

Lister has given me so much. It gave me some really superb people in my life. I've made a new life for myself here. It gave me the courage to be the person I wanted to be and to not worry about what others thought. It gave me the opportunity to start over and not be defined by my past. It gave me the strength to say goodbye to the people in my life that were dragging me down. It gave me the perspective to appreciate my family and friends back home. Lister let me grow up on my own terms.

I'm getting teary writing this. I know I'm ready to go, but it's hard to leave my home. I know I'll make a new home for myself, but I don't want to say goodbye to this one just yet.

I just wanted to say thank you. These past 2 years have been the best of my life and I owe a lot to this place and the people who lived here with me.

I love you.

:)

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Ignorance Is Bliss

I wish you'd never told me that I was fat, that I couldn't do things other people could, and that in order to be happy I'd have to lose weight.

The first time I remember you telling me people would like me more if I was skinny was when I was 8.


I was 8. I should have been worrying about who to play with at recess, not about whether or not I was a disappointment to everyone.

I didn't know anything was wrong with me until you pointed it out.

For so long I thought I was grotesque and that no one would love me - including you.



So I started exercising all the time. I stopped eating. And even when I got down to a low weight it still wasn't low enough for you, so I gave up and went the complete other direction. I stopped caring about myself. I couldn't handle the hunger pangs, the migraines, and the loneliness. It didn't change anything. You still told me I needed to lose more weight.

You think you're being nice when you say "once you lose your weight you'll be the most beautiful girl on campus. guys won't be able to walk past you without staring." but instead all I hear is "no one will pay attention to you when you're like this. no one will look at you twice." which may be the wrong way to take it, but this is what you've taught me.

Maybe you were trying to help me, but in the end you only hurt me. Badly. It's something I'll struggle with for the rest of my life.

I blame myself, and I blame you. And that hurts me. I wish I had no resentment, I think it puts a great strain on our relationship. All I want to do is move on, but I can't.

You emotionally tattooed "fat" on my forehead so every time I look in the mirror it's all I can see.

Mom, I wish you'd kept your mouth shut when I was 8.

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100th Post!

100th post!
That's so exciting. Thanks to everyone that reads my blog. It may seem trivial, but it means a lot to me. I appreciate the support and love!

This post is going to be a very happy one which feels great.

KCat slept over last night. Now I'm lying in bed and it feels lonely. It's the best lonely feeling I've ever felt - knowing I have something so great, if that makes sense. Last night

Everything by Michael Buble came on his ipod and he took my hand and danced with me in my room. Just the two of us at midnight. Dancing in my crowded little dorm room. And it was perfect. It was such a sweet little moment.



I've really found a good guy here.

Also! I'm staying in Edmonton this summer. I think it's better for my mental health. None of my friends from Alberta are going home for the summer really (except for Pi. fail Pi!) so it'll be a great time. I was going to have to go back to Vancouver, but I got a job at West Edmonton Mall! I went on friday and handed out my resume and got hired on the spot at the Disney Store, which, hello! is perfect for me. I'm really excited.

Man I am just in the best mood right now. Life is going so well.

You're a swimming pool on an August day, you're the perfect thing to say.

When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby, don't pretend that you don't know it's true

Because you can see it when I look at you.

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I'd Like To Go

I'd really like to go on a road trip. Let's go.

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New Condo

Kanye is moving in with his *new girlfriend.

new - a girl he's been hooking up with for 5 weeks, a (clearly) serious relationship

At first I was upset. I get a ''I've been thinking about you lately'' and not 5 minutes later he tells me he's moving in with his new girlfriend. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't upset because it wasn't me moving in with him. In fact, now that he's moving in I won't ever have to worry about falling into another one of his traps. I'm glad he's being taken away. Keep him!

I was upset because he said "I've finally got my life together so we're moving in to her new condo''. I mean, a new condo?! I want a new condo. That bitch.

In all seriousness though, it hurt that he couldn't get his shit together with me but he will put the effort in for this new girl. That's going to sting for anybody. No one wants to feel like they're not good enough. So after I had a bit of a sulk and a pout, I cheerfully mentioned my new relationship. He still hasn't responded. There you go Kanye, suck on that!

Because while you're happy, I'm just as happy - if not happier.

We will call the new boyfriend KCat (thanks to Dino). I've never felt this comfortable with somebody. He makes me feel sexy and sweet. He tells me how smart and funny I am. He makes me love my body and my personality. I can talk to him about anything. It's been almost a month now that we've been dating and I feel great.

My older sister called and gave me The Talk. My mum called her and asked her to do it. Who cares that I'm turning 21 this year and she knows I'm not a virgin.

I meet his parents on the 10th and I'm nervous but very excited. They seem great.

Holy moly. In a relationship. A good one.

That's never really happened before.

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Kiss Me! Even Though I'm Not Irish

These past 2 weeks have been long ones - first with my neuroscience exam, then my human development exam this week. I did super well on both of them so it was time to blow off some steam.

St Patty's was the perfect time and excuse! We stole a table and put it in my room to play beer pong and other drinking games. We got all greened up and started drinking at 6. I was irish shwasted in no time. Overall, it was a great night. I woke up covered in green food dye which is always a good sign.

We just made 130 jello shots for the floor crawl tomorrow, so it should be another good night.
If I survive.

Then on Sunday I have a date with the man :)

More on him later...

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Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?

Are you gonna kiss me or not?
Are we gonna do this or what?
I think you know I like you a lot
But you're about to miss your shot
Are you gonna kiss me or not?


Does anybody else feel a lot of "first kiss" pressure?

I keep chickening out. Date 3 is tomorrow and I need to make it happen. Or he does. Someone does!

I just hate the whole "you have to have your first kiss when he drops you off in his car!" thing..

No. I refuse! I don't want to lean over the console and I don't want to have to twist my body in a weird position. It gives me muscle spasms. Then the light comes on in the car when you open the door so he can see how flustered I am. No!

No. No. No.

I'm not saying I need it to be the most romantic thing ever. Jeeze. I just want him to kiss me. I think I'll like it.





















A lot.

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Love Isn't Silly

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs,
But I look around me and I see it isn't so.
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.
And what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know, 'cause here I go again

Love doesn't come in a minute,
Sometimes it doesn't come at all
I only know that when I'm in it
It isn't silly, love isn't silly, love isn't silly at all.

I'm very excited for my date tomorrow. This could be something :)
The first date went so well, let's see how the second goes!

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Shame On Me

Because when you're twenty and somebody tells you they love you, you're going to believe them.

It's hard not to feel stupid about Sean/Kanye. It's harder not to feel hurt.

I'm pretty good about keeping him out of my head, but sometimes this pang makes my heart ache. I don't miss him, I just feel foolish. I'm one step closer to never thinking about him again. I'll get there.

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You're Impossible To Find

This is not what I intended,
I always swore to you that I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger,
I may have failed you, but I loved you from the start.

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The Time Is Now

“Look at you. You’re young. And you’re scared. Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring what other people think. Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Play it loud as fuck and dance to it. Go out for a drive at midnight and forget that you have school the next day. Stop waiting for Friday. Live now. Do it now. Take risks. Tell secrets. This life is yours.
When are you going to realize that you can do whatever you want?”

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A Slow Death

Statistics is killing me slowly.

I feel my brain turning to mush.

At least I didn't procrastinate studying as badly this time, I did over half the studying when I was at home in Vancouver for reading week. Still, I've taken this whole week off and dedicated it to working out just so that I wouldn't have to study for my midterm tomorrow.

Wish me luck. If I die, you can have my stuff.

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This Aching Heart Ain't Broken Yet

I have a short temper. I'm stubborn and I'm opinionated, and yes, sometimes I will frustrate you so much that you'll want to pack your bags and leave.

But I'm also intelligent and funny, good looking, and loyal. I will make your average day great and every moment better than the last. I will make you change your mind about leaving.

It's your turn to put in the work. I've realized I let guys walk all over me, and for what? It hasn't gotten me anywhere. Chasing you has done nothing but make me more aware of how alone I sometimes feel.

That's over with because I've had an epiphany. I could be that girl you want to write love songs about. I could be that voice on the end of the telephone that you're dying to hear. I could be that hand that fits yours.

All these "coulds" can change into "will be"s, but it's all up to you now.



Your choice. I will be fine either way, because I'll always be that great girl.

It's up to you whether I'm that great girl you passed up, or that great girl you're with.

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Math

I like you + you like me

=

?

The equation should be pretty simple. I need you to solve it, and soon. Chasing you for a bit was fun, exciting even, but it won't last for long.

Do the math.

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Shrinking

You know who lost 6 cm in their measurements from bootcamp so far?


This bitch right hurr.

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BACK TO GIDDY!

HE RESPONDED!

he messaged me ''why didn't you respond to my text?"

Thank God he's as forward as I am. Here I was feeling like crapola, but he was just as confused as I was. He's been texting the wrong number.

I'm so stupid. I need to stop doubting myself so much. That's something I really need to deal with apparently.

YAY!!

This blog is becoming so bipolar...

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Giddy Turns to Gloomy

I'm sad.

:(


I don't think he's ever going to call me back.

What's so bad about me that no one wants to love me back?

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If Assholes Could Fly, This Would Be An Airport

You know what?

I'm going to double post.
I've been holding it in, but here we go. You've pushed me and pushed me and now I can't keep it in any longer.

You are such a sack of shit, Sean. No more nicknames for you. Anyone reading this who knows about you is probably nodding their heads in agreement right now, but I was an idiot. I cared about you, so I gave you multiple chances. Every crappy thing you'd ever done I forgave you for because I believed you. I believed in you.

I know I wasn't always the best to be involved with. I get scared easily but I never walked away. That was all you. You're full of such shit. How many times did you call me late at night babbling about how you loved me and wanted to be with me? You talked about having kids with me for Christ's sake.

How could you throw "I love you" around like that? How can it mean nothing to you?

Sometimes I think I can be pretty cold. But the difference between you and I is that my cold heart can thaw out - your problem is that you're heartless. You have nothing there. You pretend you do, but someone who truly cared about someone else couldn't bullshit the way you do.

So now we are done. I have no more forgiveness left for you. I feel weighed down by your betrayal. I know you'll come back eventually and I'm preparing for the moment when you realize what you've done.

We had one big fight. I rarely say this, but it was your fault. Of course I was freaked out by what you'd told me - you purposely said things to scare me. You admitted to that. But as soon as I say I need to go to sleep and think things over, you decide that I no longer matter.

AGAIN I find over facebook that you're dating someone else. Facebook, really? Grow a set already. At least last time you waited a couple days. This time it was less than 24 hours. Did you talk to her late at night, too? Did you tell her the same things you told me? I feel sorry for myself, but I feel more sorry for her. She doesn't know what you're capable of.

You are worthless.

I can't believe I wasted so much feeling and time on you. I will never get those 15 months back, but I won't give you any more of my life. You don't deserve it and I finally see it now.

Screw you. Who do you think you are?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

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Scrooge

I hate Valentine's Day.
I've had a terrible day.

Everyone's been calling me Scrooge.
I'm okay with it.

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Giddy

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

-
I had a first date last night and it was wonderful.

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I'm Sor...

Never apologize for showing feeling.

When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

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That Aint So Pretty

I'm sorry, but the miracle of birth is in no way glamorous or pretty.

I'm pretty well known for my aversion to children and the thought of ever being a parent. Unfortunately, my human development professor couldn't care less about my traumatization in the 10th grade thanks to a graphic little video on childbirth.
So I'm currently enjoying reading about prenatal development.

I threw up in my mouth.

Yeah, that baby's super cute. But it can stay with its parents, thank you very much. I love my niece and nephew but I can only handle them for a few hours at a time. I'm not patient enough for children. I'm far too selfish.

I'll stick with a puppy.

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Dont Come Back For Me, Don't Come Back At All.

Have you ever heard a song that so perfectly describes someone you know that you wonder if the artist somehow knew they were out there?

I learned to live, half alive... and now you want me one more time.
Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart?
You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul, so don't come back for me. Don't come back at all.

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed because you broke all your promises.

This is for you, Kanye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

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You Build Me Up Just To Tear Me Down

You always tell me that I have these huge walls you can't get through. That as soon as you see a hint of vulnerability they're back up in full force. I've been told this by a lot of people. I seem so open, but I'm really not.

Tonight I took those walls down. Things haven't been easy for me lately. We put both of my dogs down in the last 2 weeks, they died 13 days apart. It was sudden and left my family feeling pretty empty. Losing weight is really hard, I've been working out but I can't do what a lot of other people can do. I cheated on my diet really badly this week. I'm behind in my school work and I'm not sleeping well.

I'm drowning.

I'm away at school and I feel like I have to be this super strong person. I can't call my mum and cry on the phone to her. She worries and right now she's so sad that I can barely talk to her on the phone. Everyone's just so... sad. So I keep it all in.

Bottling everything is hard.

And tonight, I needed you. I called you and you brushed me off. Your new girlfriend was with you. Once again, I find out over facebook. Exactly like last time. I don't understand how three days ago I meant ''everything'' to you and now I mean nothing. I told you I was upset on the phone and you said ''okay'' and hung up.

I finally tore my walls down for you and you didn't care.

So this is it. This is my last night crying alone over you. This is the last time I'll allow you in.

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up not missing you. Every time I start to feel a pang in my heart I'm going to remember how I feel right now.

Alone.

And I won't miss you anymore. Because you could have been here with me. We could have taken a big step. You could have seen how hard it was for me to come to you, broken, and asking for your help. But that's too bad. You missed out.

And now you'll miss out on me.

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Fuck You and Forget You Too

Fuck you.

If you think I'm going to sit back and wait for you, you've got another thing coming.
You aren't worth any more of my time.
Yeah, I've made a mistake. And it was with you.

Have fun with your easy skinny bitch. Don't bother calling, you might as well lose my number now.

Fuck you and good riddance.

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