A Phone Number Isn't A Marriage Proposal

We all know that guy (or girl), The Stage 5 Clinger. The person that sends you gooey love messages on your phone 2 minutes after you've officially started dating, and gets all teary eyed when you say you can't hang out the next day.

If only I'd been so lucky.

This guy went above and beyond. He rightfully earned his nickname, The Stage 55 Clinger.


He texted me (at 3 in the morning as I was sleeping) that he wanted to hold me in his arms and talk until the sun rose. I told him he sounded like a hostage taker, and he didn't get it. It gets worse folks! He asked when I was coming back to Edmonton and I told him at the end of the summer, I wasn't sure when just yet. He told me to come back next week because he couldn't wait that long to make me his. Excuse me? I DO NOT KNOW YOU.

If I say anything negative, will he climb up the side of my house into my window and abduct me like on Criminal Minds?!


This is the kind of guy that has hundreds of candid photos of me on his walls that I had no idea he has taken. Shudder.

So last night I'd finally had enough. I had been pretty blunt, telling him he didn't know me and that I wasn't jumping into anything with anyone. He wasn't getting it. So last night, I told him to delete my number and that I wasn't the girl for him. He was moving too fast, and frankly, he was freaking me out.

He told me he had to "go cry himself to sleep". Wow. I told him it's nothing to cry about, he doesn't know me. Apparently he felt that we had a "very strong connection" and that he was only "listening to his heart". Dude, you need hearing aids for that thing.

He kept blubbering and I told him goodluck and goodbye. He said he was going (thank god) then texts me 4 times ten minutes later.

"I didn't really want to say goodbye! I'm so tired of nobody taking the time to know me."
"I'm so sad, I can't stop crying :'("
"I wish you were here"
"Please change your mind"

My response? "Stop. You're making a fool of yourself. I don't know you, go sleep the beers off. Bye."

"Babe, I'm not drunk!!!"

Me, "God help us all then."

Then I turned me phone off.

Holy crap.