Sorry, You Are Not The Biggest Loser

Unfortunately, gaining weight is easy and losing weight is hard. If only it were the other way around.

I've always struggled with my weight. When I was younger, I thought I was fat. Seeing photos now, I realize that I wasn't fat. I was barely chubby in fact. I was athletic, had muscle, and looked pretty damn good. But it's hard to see that when important people in your life are telling you otherwise.

Back then I was slim and thought I was fat. Unfortunately for me, now I would say I'm fat. Because I listened to all those people and believed them, I started getting discouraged and started eating more to comfort myself. I eat to feel good. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm lonely, I eat. When I'm angry, I eat. So what did I do?

Well, in highschool I stopped eating. Bulimia wasn't going to work for me - I couldn't even make myself swallow salt water to get a day off from school. Throwing up every meal was not going to happen. Plus, I like my teeth. I had another option. Anorexia. The problem for me was that I was a terrible anorexic. I got really hungry, and I'd binge eat. I'd get headaches that I didn't want to put up with. For a solid year I would come home from school and have a nap at 4pm because my head hurt so badly. Yeah, I lost weight. But as soon as I started eating normally again, I gained it all back.

What am I supposed to do? For 2 years, I gave up. I gained a lot of weight ONTOP of the weight I'd already gained. I'm lucky - I'm almost 5'11. If I was 5'6 I would look like the Michelin man. Not the most attractive look.

This summer I made a change. I joined Jenny Craig. I knew I couldn't do this on my own. I wasn't motivated, I was still wanting to snack, and I was still going out and drinking every weekend. It was a lot of fun, but it wasn't a healthy lifestyle. "Well, work out!" you're probably thinking. It doesn't work that way. I was too unfit to exercise properly for any length of time. I'd get tired just walking to the gym.

It's a slow process. I got a personal trainer who I see once a month. I have a work out routine that slowly gets harder. I eat only what Jenny Craig food I'm given, and salads/fruits/vegetables. I don't drink. I exercise a minimum of 3 times a week at the gym, and then 2-3 times outside of the gym. I sleep regularly. I wake up in the morning and eat breakfast (I hate eating breakfast).

I've lost 15 pounds so far, and 12 inches. With the muscle I've gained I've lost well over 20 pounds. It's been really hard. I'm tired of eating out of a plastic container. I want chocolate, and I want a dry martini really, really, really badly. But you know what?

"Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels"

I'm seeing a change. It's taken awhile for me to see my body changing at all, but I feel good. I'm nowhere near done. I still have 70 pounds to my goal weight.

Yes, 70.

It's a lifestyle change and it's worth it.

The scale will no longer tell me that I am not the biggest loser. And you know what? I'm going to have my photo in a Jenny Craig add and I will have the * next to my weight loss that says "weight loss not typical". If you work hard, you'll get the asterix because you deserve it.

"Fat" will no longer be a part of my vocabulary, starting today.