I Fought The War But The War Won

Seems like big fights are kind of like roller coasters. Or chemical reactions. Is there going to be a crash or explosion? Who knows. But as long as someone "refuses" to do anything about it, nothing will happen. That's okay. 'Nothing' is good for me right now. I need to cool down. I hear that pounding in my head too - I just get to hear it all day instead of for 5 minutes.




I had a really great day today. I got a lot of my homework done, had a good chat with my mum, and went to the gym. Solo. Walking to the gym I was pretty nervous. I can't find my head phones so I had no iPod. Are people going to hear me breathing weirdly? What am I supposed to look at while I work out? What if all the machines are busy?

Everything worked out. I got a nice hard work out in and I realized that all the good looking men DO hide out in the gym. Particularly this one gorgeous volleyball player... maybe I will start going to the games. Our children would have really long legs. I'm okay with that, as long as we get to try for children many many MANY times.


I'm learning a lesson that I was surprised to find out I needed to learn. I need to start making MYSELF happy. I can't rely on other people a) because they'll always disappoint you at some point and b) because they're busy making themselves happy. It's totally fair, everyone should look out for themselves. That's what I need to do. I've been relying on other people forever. Family, boyfriends, best friends. I like making them happy because it makes me happy. But it seems that they don't always like making me happy. I had a big talk with my mum last night and today, and she said "it's YOUR turn to be happy now". She's right.

I feel like this is something I need to do for myself. I need to stop taking care of other people and start taking care of myself. I want to go work out at the gym. You're busy? Oh, well I'll go myself. I need to get back into my summer workout/ eating routine. I think I can do it. Actually,

I know I can do it.

All this drama has seriously motivated me.