The Best Thing About Tonight Is We're Not Fighting

No, that's a lie.

My mother cannot get off my back. Sometimes, she's amazing and I feel like we're truly becoming friends. She'll book me flights so that I can come home even when I wasn't supposed to, but as soon as I'm physically near her she lashes out and uses me as her verbal punching bag. Why hasn't this stopped? Haven't there been enough broken hearts already? home for a week, I realize why I was so unhappy for 4 years- there is something toxic about my Vancouver life. I fight with my family, luck seems to evade me, and I doubt myself constantly. Must be in the sea air. I'm not as upset as I was last night, but I felt humiliated.
"How come everyone else's children can keep a job?"
Well, actually, I've never been fired from a job. I've discussed with you extensively every circumstance when I wanted to quit, and you agreed.. so don't make it seem like I'm a failure.

Stop making me feel like I'm fat
Stop making me feel like I'm useless
Stop making me feel like you don't love me.

It's not fair to me, and I won't fucking have it anymore. I'm turning twenty in the fall, I'm no longer a child. And even if I was younger, I do not deserve your disrespect. Grow up. We both have learning to do.


Kanye is still in my head. I miss him, but I know he's not the right thing for me. I'm still embarassed, everything he said he was saying to someone else at the same time. It's pathetic and I don't know why I'm the one feeling stupid. Shouldn't he be the one feeling bad? I deleted his number, and I'm sure he's done the same with mine. I won't be getting any apologies from him, I'm sure. I think I only want one as an excuse to keep in contact.



I love the Sex and the City movie. I think it's funny, the fashion is amazing, and everything somehow works out in the end.
Like.. Carrie and Mr Big. I like to think that their story will end up as my story. They break up, stay apart for a few years, but end up together.

I'm looking up at the clouds and begging Paul to be the Mr Big to my Carrie.
Do it! You know you want to.
Plus she has some amazing outfits. I can't get over her white flower dress from the first scene. Holy man. I'd wear that everywhere.

On the way over, the pressure from flying murdered my ears. I was in a lot of pain for 3 or 4 days, but today on my flight I was totally okay! I think it must have been because my nose was blocked due to my cold. I was so nervous, my stomach was in knots. Phew.

I met a cute boy in the airport today. We'll call him Winterpeg. This crazy woman sat next to him and she was ridiculous. She kept asking everyone how long the flight was and complaining about how hot it was. Her voice was terrible, so grating. Winterpeg and I kept catching eachother's eye and trying not to laugh.
Eventually we went and stood in line together and started talking. He's adorable and funny. Did I mention adorable? Yeah. This guy was hot. Lots of tattoos and piercings, but they didnt' weigh his body or face down. They suited him. Unfortunately, he doesn't live in Edmonton. He was catching another flight afterwards to Winnipeg. Who wants to go to Manisnowba anyways?
Come back to Edmonton! Please!
It's just my luck, finding a cute adorable boy who seems interested and he lives somewhere else.
I didn't even bother getting his name or phone number, but I kind of like it that way. This feels... romantic.

Dino and I are doing a lot of homework tonight. I can't wait to get this Directing assignment completely over with. I'm so fed up. I'm so stressed. Finals, moving, finding somewhere to live, and jobs. God. I just need to get through this and not fall apart. I can do it. I can do it.

I can do it.