Thin, Thin, Thin

I'm sitting in my psychology night class, not paying attention as usual.
But tonight I'm actually doing something productive - I'm working on my oral communications essay/project.
We have to create a 3 point speech on something we feel strongly about.

My problem was that I was thinking of things that were safe, "I'll talk about waterpolo, about athletes" or "I'll talk about dyeing hair, and the dangerous side effects that can occur" but today I spoke with my professor. She told me to write about something that's effecting me right now.

And you know what's effecting me? Not waterpolo, not the side effects of dyeing hair,

but anorexia.

and I am disgusted. Not by the people doing it, they're victims, but by the people causing it. I'm enraged. I'm not the one who's battling anorexia, I used to prefer self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. I don't have the willpower to starve myself to be honest. I tried it for about 3 months, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the fatigue at sports practice or the headaches I'd get throughout the day. Eventually I'd give in and binge eat.

Unfortunately, someone I care about dearly has better will power than I do. She's young, too young to be hating her body the way she does and I wish I could do something to help her. I'm doing all that I can right now (God, I hope I'm doing everything I can) but I wish I could be there, giving her a hug. I wish I could sit next to her and tell her to her face how beautiful I think she is. I wish she could hear how people talk about her body, how gorgeous they think she is.

I'm sad for her. I'm sad that she didn't get to skip over this part of her life, that she has to go through the thoughts and feelings that I did. I can't handle losing this person.

I'm tearing up.

I'll die if I lose her. My heart can't even take the thought of it.

It's an obsession. Reading through people's posts on websites about their battles with anorexia, I see clearly that it's all they think about and all they care about.

"everything will be fine once I'm thin"


I'm guilty of thinking this thought, I'm not going to lie. I'd love to be thin. I've been fighting my weight since I can remember, but I've gained so much confidence in the last year.
I have curves, I have hips, I have boobs. I have something to hold on to.
And while I might not be considered delicate or fragile, I'm beautiful. I have flushed cheeks and warm skin, something someone who's starving themselves doesn't have. If you want someone who's skinny, fine. You're not worth my time in the first place. Why does our society focus so much on how we look and not what we have to offer the world? That girl over there, she might be 250 pounds, but you know what? She's incredibly smart. In fact, she's going to find the cure for cancer.

Too bad she committed suicide after being called "fat" too many times.

What has our world come to? Honestly.

What the fuck is everyone thinking? When did starving ourselves for beauty become glamorous?