Oh I Had A Lot To Say, Was Thinkin' On My Time Away

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds.

It's been a long time! The past two months have been filled with a lot of fun stories, but also a few lessons.

Lesson #1 - "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Second chances are good things to give people, it shows that you can forgive and forget (or at least pretend to forget). Sometimes it's really hard to forgive people when they've hurt you badly, but time heals most pain and eventually a neutral stance can be reached. For me, I no longer wanted to stomp my stilettos into J's ball sack, causing him excruciating pain. I've forgiven him for what he did way back in highschool, but it turns out that he still lacks the same maturity he didn't have back then. It is pretty pathetic to blame other people for all of your problems, it shows that you have no sense of responsibility or self respect. So, good luck J. I hope you find a woman dumb enough to believe all the crap you spew. I, on the other hand, am just proud of myself for finally being able to forgive someone that I never thought I'd be able to speak to again. I guess I'm growing up a little. Doesn't mean I'll ever forgive Oxymoron though, she fucked that one up royally.

Lesson #2 - "Beware of straight guys pretending to be gay guys."

You think a guy in a gay bar rubbing up against you begging you "spank me! spank me!" would be gay, right? Well, it turns out that isn't always the case. Dino was wearing a sailor outfit which got us a lot of attention. Usually a good thing, until the creepy straight guys realize you're not in fact lesbians, you're just two straight girls dancing together. Damn it.

Dino had this weird lanky ginger guy with gross facial hair, and I had a short but nerdy looking guy who enjoyed trying to put his hands up my dress without my noticing. He was kissing my neck and it felt like he was trying to fill my ear canal with spit so I couldn't hear all the lame pick up lines he was using. He really showed his charm with "I've been watching you all night, I think you're gorgeous'' and ''you've been keeping me hard for hours [insert slight thrusting here]". This guy was so creepy that I found myself missing my good friend The Ass Raper from my first gay bar experience. Watch out ladies! A little tip - pretend you're lesbian. Do it for your sanity and safety.

Lesson #3 - "Real women drink beer."

Personally, I love beer. The only problem is the calorie count. My right arm is starting to look like it's carrying a child somewhere between my bicep and my elbow. Not so attractive.

But think about this, ladies. Even if you don't drink a lot, you can easily spend $40 dollars going to a club or bar and getting drunk. By the end of the night with cab rides, midnight snacks, and cover you can be down $80. Personally, I'd rather buy a new pair of shoes or a handbag instead of spending all my money on something I won't feel the effects of after, other than a pretty heavy hang over the next morning and most likely embarrassing photos on facebook.

Beer is cheaper! Plus you'll never know what sexy guy is admiring your beer pong skills until you give it a try...