Only The Good Die Young

I remember seeing you coming down the hallway and thinking to myself ''my God, he's gorgeous'', but never having the guts to say it to anyone but myself.
And you were gorgeous. Blonde hair, beautiful eyes, and a friendly smile that made anyone feel comfortable. You were popular, but I don't think anyone thought you were even a bit of a jerk.
You seemed to live life pretty hard, but now that's not a problem.

Because you died on saturday.

Turns out you had leukemia. Your family didn't even know, it was a shock to everybody. You were a soccer player - athletic, competitive, and strong. How did your body deteriorate like that? I don't understand how someone so healthy, so full of life, could one day have their life turned upside down like you did.

It must have been so scary for you. My dad says you were probably exhausted all the time. As an athlete, that would kill me. I can't even begin to think about how you felt. Were you scared? Knowing you were so young and only had weeks to live?
One day you had your entire life set out before you. The next, doctors are telling you you have less than a month.

You didn't get to grow up. You never experienced falling in love, having your heart broken, getting married, having children, being a grandparent. And you won't get to. Because for some reason, you weren't meant to grow up.

You'll never take another shower, you'll never call your mom again, you'll never sink into the pillows on your bed and hope for sweet dreams.

Because you died saturday.

How did you die?

I don't understand and it's really screwing with my head. I've taken so much for granted and I feel guilty. This has shaken me, really badly. I feel like I need to apologize, but I'm not entirely sure to who. To God? To my family? To my friends? To myself?

I'd love to say that my entire outlook on life has permanently changed, but all I can promise is that I'll try.

I'm so sorry you never got to experience what I've taken for granted.

I'm so, so, so sorry.

RIP Oliver Matthew
you didn't deserve to go this early.